(爱) Moses.NXZ

The memory convinced itself to tear me apart.

2010-07-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

“And in some way, I recognize that I will never be fully over you, and that part of me will always love you. But most of me understands that this doesn’t work, and I need to move on to be happy.

I realised pain follows you everywhere you go. Who you were before will never leave you. When you used to be a gangster, old connections will haunt you. You'll see old gang members and old friends you try to avoid start going back into your life you become who you were, no matter how much you try to change, the past will always be there. When you were the sad kid in school, you try to change. Try to look at like with the glass half full, but once something knocks you down, you become depressed, helpless. The past never lets you go. It clings onto you, like a leach. It sucks everything out of you and when you're completely drained out. It lets go.

Maybe I was born to be sad, happiness doesn't seem to be part of my dictionary. Optimism, what is that? It's to be happy, to look on the brighter side of life. But why can't I? Why can't I see the glass half full, why is it that every time I look at the glass, it's half empty? What am I missing in life, I'm losing myself to who I was. The introvert. Maybe silence is better. You don't talk, you won't feel pain. Loneliness can be gotten used to, troubles can't. Running away won't help but I'm only fifteen, I can't handle so much tears, fights, problems, heartbreaks, school, who's side to take, friendships, relationships, all by myself. I don't want to talk about it, neither do I want to keep it in. I'm confused and no one's giving me any answers. Choosing the path of life is difficult, one wrong move and your life turns into hell.

It’s in the air now, bitter tears and broken hearts. We’re teenagers, we've got so much to learn, but we just don't know what's there to learn, no one's teaching us. It's like people tell us to do something and not tell us how to do it. We count the years we think we’re smart. But we’re not. We don’t know anything. So don’t ask me where I’ll go ‘cause, frankly, I don’t know.

I went to sleep and was thinking about you

2010-06-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

The most precious moment in life is when you're about to fall in love. You're lying in bed together and he's gazing at you and you're gazing at him and there's a sense that something truly wondrous is about to happen. It's a nervous moment - but it's exhilarating.

It's like a disney movie

2010-05-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

“Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face - I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.

Hello (wave wave), k uh bee, be prepared to not understand what I'm going to type ^^.
2 months and 11 days together alr, and I still don't know what it is about you. Maybe it’s the way nothing else matters when we’re talking, or how you make me smile more than anyone else has. Or maybe it could be the way you say the right thing at the right time. But whatever it is, I just want you to know that it means everything to me.

No matter what happens between us, I just want to let you know that I’ll always have a piece of you in my heart. I’ll care about you and want the best for you. You deserve more than the world would ever be able to give you; but I hope that you get what you’ve wanted all of these years. No matter what happens between us; I will always love you.

ps, the song on the top is for you. ♥♥

Beginnings are scary. Endings are sad.

2010-05-14T21:23:00.000-07:00

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me… or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.

I want the world to see you be with me

2010-05-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

HELLO :)

Your kiss stains on the front lobe of my left side brains

I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind

Your sweet moving, the smell of you in every single dream I dream

I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind

The Gift Of Love.

2010-05-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he had told her was empty. Then she settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.
It had been a year since Safiya, thirty-four, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. Once a fiercely independent woman, Safiya now felt condemned by this terrible twist of fate to become a powerless, helpless burden on everyone around her.

“How could this have happened to me?” she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted, she knew the painful truth her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung over Safiya’s once optimistic spirit. Just getting through each day was an exercise in frustration and exhaustion. And all she had to cling to was her husband maeraj.

Meraj was an Air Force officer and he loved Safiya with all of his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again. Meraj’s military background had trained him well to deal with sensitive situations, and yet he knew this was the most difficult battle he would ever face.

Finally, Safiya felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Meraj volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city.

At first, this comforted Safiya and fulfilled Meraj’s need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task. Soon, however, Meraj realized that this arrangement was not working - it was hectic, and costly. Safiya is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?

Just as Meraj predicted, Safiya was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. “I am blind!” she responded bitterly. “How am I supposed to know where I am going? I feel like you are abandoning me.”

Meraj’s heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. Meraj promised Safiya that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it. And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Meraj, military uniform and all, accompanied Safiya to and from work each day. Meraj taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment.

Meraj helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her and save her a seat. Meraj made her laugh, even on those not-so-good days when she would trip exiting the bus or drop her briefcase. Each morning they made the journey together and Meraj would take a cab back to his office. Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Meraj knew it was only a matter of time before Safiya would be able to ride the bus on her own. Meraj believed in her, in the Safiya he used to know before she would lost her sight, who was not afraid of any challenge and who would never, ever quit.

Finally, Safiya decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Meraj, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. Safiya said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday… Each day on her own went perfectly and Safiya had never felt better. Safiya was doing it! She was going to work all by herself!

On Friday morning, Safiya took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, “Sister, I sure envy you.”

Safiya was not sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? Curious, she asked the driver, “Why do you say that you envy me?”

The driver responded, “It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are.”

Safiya had no idea what the driver was talking about, and asked again, “What do you mean?”

The driver answered, “You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky woman.”

Tears of happiness poured down Safiya’s cheeks. For although she could not physically see him, she had always felt Meraj’s presence. Safiya was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she did not need to see to believe - Gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness …

The one that lies close to me,

2010-04-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy… They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

Because for me,

2010-04-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

“The kind of feeling people get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings cause it might be the person they're hoping to hear from.

Men, boys, guys in general, only see the exterior, only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don’t want the nice girl.. so don’t say you’re looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we’re willing to extend - - but in return, we’re looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they’re running they’re chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets… the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug, hoping against hope that maybe you’ll realize that they’re the ones that you want at the end of that silly race. But sometimes nice girls never win, and they feel the saddest kinds of sad. The kind that tries not to be sad. The type when she tries to bite her lip and not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”? That, it’s really sad.

When I told you it's forever

2010-04-25T09:07:00.000-07:00

Do know that I love you with all my heart, and the days I’ve spent with you thus far are the best and you make me the happiest that I’ve ever been. I'm here not because I am supposed to be here, or because I’m trapped here, but because I’d rather be with you than anywhere else in the world.

[edit]
I could love you with every fiber of my being. I could bundle my mind, my heart, my body and my soul together and give them to you. I could appreciate every moment we spend together and miss you when you are gone. I could trace your features with my fingertips. I could ruffle your hair, tickle your arm and kiss you cheek. I could lose my breath everytime you wrap your arms around my waist. I could get high off your smell. I could melt when your lips touch mine. I could cuddle up to your chest and fall asleep. I could call you mine. I could do all this. I could do more.

Can we start again ?

2010-04-24T05:21:00.000-07:00

I always think of you before I fall asleep. The words you said, the way you looked. The things we laughed about, the silent moments we shared. And when I dream, I’ll dream of you

I’ve been wondering; who’s your heart beating for ? All this time, who's the one you think of all the time, the one you miss most of the time, the one who melts everything inside you and turns them into butterflies in your stomache. Who's the one who has your heart, who you love the most. Sometimes I wna just be left alone. Just sit by myself in a park. Just me, no one else. and think, cry and scream. Just do stupid things and no one will judge me, I don't like to be judged, and no one likes to be judged, so why are people who hate to be judged, judging others as well ?

Right now, I'm find it hard to breathe, butterflies are in my stomach, and tears are running down my cheeks. It hurts, everything I'm doing now hurts, I wna run away. Yeah, running away is never good, but it's better then staying here, right at this moment and facing all this. I just want to go missing from everyone's life, as if I never existed for awhile. Yeah, and I doubt anyone would care right ? I believe everyone believes one of the most toughest situations anyone can be ever face, is deciding whether you should just move on or hold on a little tighter. Move on, and maybe you’ll lose a chance at the best thing that could have ever happened. Hold on, and have the possibility of your heart being broken. So what should I do ? I'm..I''m fucking stuck in the middle of all this, and I’m afraid you know ? I'm afraid that once my barrier is defeated and I’m comfortable with someone again, you'll walk away.

All my life, I’ve never understood the reasoning for someone to move on from a relationship. It’s not like you are really going to move on - you are just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about that one person every single day until it finally becomes a routine and you don’t notice it anymore. That is, until you see that person again, and then you have to remind yourself again. and it sucks when you start feeling those feelings you had before, you know ? It's like a cycle you feel once you see that one person again. and then you'd take another few months or years to get over that someone who made your heart skip a beat, who made your everything melt into butterflies in your stomache.

Here comes the pain.

2010-04-18T10:23:00.000-07:00

You said you would never leave.

If you think your life sucks. Why don’t you — why don’t you try being the one

who has to wonder why all the people that she loves don’t even love her back...

My heart's torn in two.

2010-03-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

All i’m looking for is someone who cares. Someone who’ll be there when the world turns its back on me. Someone whom I actually mean something to. Someone who’ll love me for everything that I am and while I’m with him, makes me feel that for once, this may actually work out.

FISHYYYY FISH FISH :3

2010-03-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANXIANG'KOR ! HERE'S SOME FISHY FOR YOU, FISHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY FISH FISH !! *points down*

I'm missing you so much.

2010-03-22T21:07:00.000-07:00

“Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn't mean you love them any less. Sometimes it even makes you love them much more..

Forgiving does not mean that it's been forgotten. Forgiving does not mean everything will go back to how we used to be. "I'm sorry" you said. "but I don't think we'll be able to go back to the past. Definitely not now, not soon. Maybe next time ? Who knows what's gonna happen ? Fate might just bring us back again."

Fate is bullshit, fate only happens in fairytales and movies, in real life, fate doesn't exist. I feel like crap now. I'm still thinking of you. God, you know how hurtful it is to think of you ? But what hurts more is that I know you're not thinking of me too. I want to leave an everlasting impression on you. I don’t want to be the type that you’ll forget in a week. I want to be hard to forget. I want to have the kind of impact on you whereby you know you’ll never find anyone else who could ever take my place. Sad thing is, that's never going to happen.

Fuck everything. End.

Note to self, Watch these 3 movies. Dear John, The Last Song, Remember me.

I miss the past I can't think of.

2010-03-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his new Christian students to stand

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, you believe in GOD?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent)

Professor : You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from?
Student : From…GOD…
Professor : That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil?

(Student did not answer)

Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who created them?

(Student had no answer)

Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe The World around you. Tell me, son…have you ever feen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor : Yet you still believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn’t…

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat,
Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don’t have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero
Which is No Heat, but we can’t go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was pin-drop dilence in the Lecture Theatre)

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as
Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn’t Darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of
Something.
You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light…
But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its
Called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, Darkness isn’t. If it is,
You would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student : Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue
There is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are
Viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, Science can’t even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and
Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life, just the Absence of it
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from
a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process,
yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the
argument was going)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at
work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor,
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The Class was in uproar)

Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the
Professor’s brain?

(The Class broke out into laughter)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s
brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?…

No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable
Protocol, Science says that you have No Brain, sir. With all due respect,
sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The Room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face
unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir…Exactly!
The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

That student was ALBERT EINSTEIN.

Thankyou. I love God and I love you albert einstein.

there’s something about him

2010-03-11T16:49:00.000-08:00

“Love is such a strong word. When we were just little kids, we always thought that love was about hugs, kisses and happiness. But as we grow older, we’ve also come to realise that love isn’t just about happiness; it’s also about rejections, tears and riding through the pain the each heartache brings.

I wish i could be a little kid again. So when life gets tough I can just play pretend. I wna go back to when dad was the only boy I've ever kissed, when the only movies i could see were rated G. when my biggest problem was learning how to write my name and friends were all the same. Everytime i was sad, i could just run to mum and it'd all be okay. I wna go back to no hurt, no pain, just laughter.

I’ve given up on you so many times. I keep doubting, I keep telling myself you’re not real. I don’t know why, but I have. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry because you’re the only thing I know I can depend on. I decided to give my life to you. Every little detail of my life because I love you…
My mind was basically thinking of the perfect moments, bringing it back up is so difficult... I can't stop smiling for a second because of the past, I can't tear for that I swear it's perfect, Nevertheless I'm broken into pieces. If only I could hit restart.

Sometimes you just need to cry and be sad. You need to break down and be torn apart. You need to learn how to pick yourself up and put yourself back together. Sometimes, the only way to be happy is to give into sadness first, ‘cause without sadness, there is no happiness. You would never learn to smile. But it's hard.

What hurts more than losing you,

2010-03-08T06:22:00.000-08:00

“The little complains that we say about someone are the ones we miss most when their gone.

When we were little, life worked perfectly. No matter what happened, everything turned out alright in the end. Scraped knees, cancelled play dates, dropped ice cream cones — we would cry for a short time, but by the end of the day, everything would be perfect. And now as we’ve grown older, we’ve lost the faith as we stumble through each day, crying over broken hearts, lost friendships, and lost dreams. It seems like life and perfection have turned their backs on us, but really its just that we’ve grown up. As children we didn’t pay attention to such details about our daily lives, but now we are more aware and little details seem to be amplifying our pain. But just remember that when we were younger, life was hard too, but we had faith in perfection because we could look past faults.

I screw things up easily, especially with the people I love. I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be too close. I get confused, I don’t understand all of it. I want to tell you that I love you right now, but I won't say it out of habit, or to start a conversation. I say it to remind you that you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. Right now, the worst feeling is not being lonely. Its being forgotten by someone you could never forget, and knowing he's forgotten all that you've been through together. Knowing he won't care anymore even if you'd hurt yourself or cry in the middle of the night suddenly like he used to. The feeling I'd get when the person I love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through me when the phone rings because it might be the person I are waiting to hear from, do you still get it sometimes, wait, I'll say it again. Do you still get that, because of me ?

HAHA, truth is, I think I can let go, cause you're not mine. And you're colder then before (that sucks). Maybe it's true that when in love, all girls are torn between two impulses; a longing to throw modesty and reserve to the winds and confess everything, or an equal determination to conceal the love forever, to be cool, aloof, utterly detatched, and to die rather than admit a thing so personal and intimate. So should I tell you I've fallen for you ? Or should I move on and keep everything inside me. But still, I'll never understand the reasoning for someone to “move on” from a relationship or from something that you love. It’s not like you are really going to “move on”. You are just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about that person all the time, until it finally becomes a routine and you don’t notice it anymore. That is, until you see that person again, with someone who isn’t you, and then you have to remind yourself again of that hurt.

Maybe we'll should just wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heart beat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you are just as pretty without makeup. Wait for the guy who constantly reminds you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the guy who turns to his friends and says, “That’s her. I want that type of guy, but it's just a wishful part of mind, it will never come true.

Maybe I want you because you remind me of him. You're both childish and cute, and every time I look at you, everything inside me melts into butterflies in my stomach, the same feeling he gave me. Maybe because when you're asleep, I play with your hair and stroke you to sleep and even though I'm tired, I'll stay awake watching you sleep and you'd do the same for me. Maybe it's because I like squishing your face just to wake you up like how I did to him and i want to do it all the time, Maybe it's when you're close to me, I feel happy. I like it when you stroke my head as I sleep, cause I know he's there to protect me and won't let anything harm me. Man, I miss him. I hate that.

Can you please turn back ?

2010-03-05T20:03:00.000-08:00

I want someone who will kiss me on the forehead when I’m sleeping. Someone who will wipe away my tears and tell me I’m beautiful and mean it. Someone who doesn’t compare me to anyone else, and who makes me feel like I’m the most important person in his life. I just want it that simple.

My phone lie beside me, not making a sound. Quietness has crossed over to strangeness. Quietly looking at morning and sunset. Darkness is already encircling me, Perhaps love is at the other end of a dream. I Want to return to the past to try to hug you. Actually, I'm just trying to say, I still miss you so much. Flipping through our photographs, thoughts of you are visible yet invisible. Perhaps you have already given up on me, perhaps it is already very difficult to turn back. If you want to go, please remember me, if you feel sad, please forget me. I hope that your next love would really love you more than I do, So I will force myself to leave you. Why do I still replace my sadness with a smile ? You don't have to worry too much I can manage on my own. You've gone so far away and I will eventually be okay. I will slowly walk away.

I still wonder if you ever think of me still though, and ever thought about our past. Good old times which brings tears to my eyes, I miss you but i think you don't care anymore. Who knew guys were so horrible ? Once the relationship is over and done with by them, they start to forget the words they spoke, the memories shared and the promises made, it's like they all never happened, like a distant and forgotten memory. I don't know, maybe it's already a distant memory to you but somehow it isn't to me. I know i miss you, and this is what I'm sure of.

I don't want you to be better off without me.

2010-03-03T07:06:00.000-08:00

“I think what hurts the most is that when you see an ex boyfriend with someone new, you know she fell for him for the same reasons you did and that he is probably telling her the exact same things that he told you.

Been down these days and I don't like it. Sometimes when my friends ask if I'm okay, I tend to lie, because I know that telling them the whole story is just going to break my heart once more. So might as well just lie and say I'm fine right ? I'm paranoid, I’m full of insecurities and disappointments. I miss you, I know I do and everyday I wake up and have this ache in my chest. This is why sometimes, I just sleep in, or at least I want to, because I know when I wake up, you’re not gonna be there anyway. I know, I know more than anything, you deserve to be happy. I only wish I could heal my scars sooner, so that I can move on, cause you've already moved on. But I just don't know how to. Sadly, I may not actually get over it. Maybe I'll just learn to live with it.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

I'm going to be parting with hell loads of money and I'm getting literally broke. I don't want to lose a friend too, seriously though we just met. Hard to believe we're like quite close now but today was like. WOW, moodless totally. I don't want to lose a friend like you yogi ! Maybe I'm just being overly paranoid. HATE IT OKAY. hais. LOL

kcoolbye.

Tragic.

2010-02-20T04:28:00.000-08:00

Today. I realized. that squidward tentacles (yes, from spongebob) is one of the most inspiring cartoon characters on television. Why ? Because squidward never gives up on his dreams.
no matter how many times spongebob ruins his day, he still continues to strive for a better one.
no matter how many times he fails at clarinet, he continues to play and try to get better so that he can one day become famous for it. No matter how many rotten tomatoes get thrown at him because he is a horrible dancer, he continues to dance and shoot for the stars. No matter how many times his arch enemy with the unibrow tells him he’s worthless, he continues to climb back up and try to impress him. No matter how many paintings are rejected and unliked by people, he continues to paint because he believes he is a great artist. I think we could all learn a little bit from good old squidward tentacles. He has self confidence and never gives up on his dreams. which is something we can all learn from. Inspiration. This will forever change my thoughts on bitter ass Squidward

Everyday you wait is one day you’ll never get back.

2010-02-14T03:18:00.000-08:00

I don’t know what it is about you. Maybe it’s the way nothing else matters when we’re talking, or how you make me smile more than anyone else has. Or maybe it could be the way you say the right thing at the right time. But whatever it is, I just want you to know that it means everything to me. Still remember when we held each other close ? Our eyes were closed I guess, well mine was, I could only feel your warmth. Yeah in my head i was wondering if anything in my life had ever been this perfect, and knowing at the same time that it hadn’t. I was in love, and the feeling was even more wonderful than I ever imagined it could be.

I think it’s pretty much impossible to forget someone who was once the reason for the smile on your face. I can't just forget someone like that. HAHA, it's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, you keep holding on, but when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. And it’s weird how feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want, and how you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start.

The worst thing you could ever do is loving someone when you know you shouldn’t anymore. It’s caring about someone, wondering how they are and what they’re up to when the truth is they’ve stopped wondering about you a long time ago. The worst thing is remembering every single detail of your relationship when he’s obviously long forgotten about you. The worst thing is missing him so much when he doesn’t even realize you’re gone. It is feeling the same as you ever did, even though you know you shouldn’t, because he doesn’t anymore...

I wanna be your last first kiss,

2010-02-13T08:10:00.000-08:00

“It's funny how we always find ourselves wanting to run back to the ones we used to love, for some reason, thinking it would work out differently the second time

I’ve never understood the reasoning for someone to move on from a relationship. It's not like you are really going to move on - you are just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about that one person every single day until it finally becomes a routine and you don’t notice it anymore. That is, until you see the person again, and then you have to remind yourself again.
You're the one I want to and can be the one I run to. The one who lets me fall apart in his arms, sees me at my worst, and still tell me he loves me anyway.
Yeah we long to be with the person we love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within. So i guess even if i still love you and i want you, i won't tell you. For i'm afraid of the same words to come from you.."i just don't love you anymore"..

Truth is, I feel more comfortable talking to strangers than people I know sometimes. Perhaps this is because I'll probably never see them ever again and I feel like I can say anything I want. They don't know my past or what I've done. They can only judge me on who they're seeing right at that very moment. I am the person I am now, not then. Some people I know don't see the difference..

HAHA, guess what ? I still miss the old times and I know one shouldn't live in the past; but what do you do when that's the only thing that makes you happy anymore ? And do you know how I know I'm still in love with you ? Because every morning when I wake up, the first thing I want to see is your face. You know, there's a difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up is sacrificing what was rightfully yours, and letting go is forgetting what never was. So which one am i doing or going to do now, giving up or letting go ?..

Now I no longer believe in love. In any way shape or form, I don’t believe it exists. I believe people think they love people, to provide themselves with a sense of comfort and hope. But in reality, everyone you love will end up hurting you. That’s just how things are. So, I’ve honestly given up relationships. Friendships and everything. Human involvement only leads to disappointment. Nothing people feel is constant, everyone is changing, and everyone is fake. People are just products of each other, and I’m honestly tired of seeing the same thing everyday. I’m tired of people and their trained emotions, taught to feel certain ways in certain scenarios. So from my brokenness, I’ve decided to recreate myself. Make something better of myself from nothing. It’s only when we are completely broken, that we can understand the greater power of our spirit. And find what we are truly made of. Yeah, i wish everything i typed out in this paragraph was as easy to do. Things usually now are just, easier said then done..

Yes, I want to wear your sweatshirt to bed, watch scary movies with you, talk on the phone until sunrise, sneak out at night to look at the stars with you, play your favourite video game, make you watch chick flicks, kiss you in the rain, go on walks with you, laugh untill i can't breathe, build a fort and have a snowball fight, sit infront of the fireplace and talk about life. I want to fall hopelessly in love with you, and i want you to love me endlessly again... A wishful part of mind which won't ever come true, not anymore.

Still, I hope one day you’re going to want me again. The girl who knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be perfect for you. The girl who believed the scraps of you she was given were worth it, because something was better than nothing. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths, that girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. That girl who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that no one else has ever appreciated. The girl who realizes she may never have your heart, but will carry the image of you in hers forever. The girl who wanted to love you and have you so much, but couldn't.

There’s no such thing as a perfect ending. A relationship that is perfect, wouldn't end. So i guess our relationship wasn't perfect, but it was close eh. Someday being with you will be a distant memory. Yes, this fact makes me sad too. I don't want to forget you, I don't want to forget our memories, good or bad, even though it hurts. HAHA, remember we kept saying we're gonna marry each other ? Well, the reason I wanna marry you is because you’re the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning and the only one I want to kiss goodnight. Because I want to spend every waking moment with you, and when I'm not with you, I know you're mine, so my heart feels safe. Secure. Yes I'm afraid. And I'm still afraid, cause i know someday, one day, someone else would be the girl you want, and that we might never talk again, I'm afraid that one day, I'll be nothing more than an old school memory to you.

Here comes goodbye

2010-02-12T09:24:00.000-08:00

I have to start loving you less today than yesterday, I guess
Though I still don’t understand why letting go means you loved best, I’m gonna try and find out why. I’ll try to hurt less everytime I see you happy with someone else. And I’ll try to stop thinking that I could’ve given you what she’s giving you now. I have to stop thinking of what could have been. Or what could be. I have to accept the fact that you’re not mine anymore and that I probably can’t have you again. I have to start being pessimistic, careless, and cynical again. I have to be the kind of person I used to be. The girl you once fell in love with. Not to win you back, not to please you, but to please myself. Because that way, I wouldn’t hope for anything anymore. That way, I wouldn’t care how much of a sucky girlfriend I was everytime I would see you happy with another girl. That way, I could begin to love you less. Of course it’s going to be hard. But give it time. One year at most. Please let me tell you I love you at that span of time because I’m not sure if I could still be able to touch your heart after a year of trying to love you less. But there are two things I’m sure of. I may start loving you less, but I’m not gonna stop loving you. I’ll say this again, if you love someone, you never really stop loving them. And lastly, In my fifteen years of living; loving you is one of the few best things that has happened to me.

You were worth the fall.

That night, I fell asleep in your arms and I knew there was no one else in the entire world that I wanted to be with when I could hear your heart beat going faster and faster. I thought I knew what love was before, but now those four letters are more than letters.They are like a symphony playing the most melodious song ever composed. You’re my composer. I love you 7th, and i always will..

But to me you're perfect

2010-02-11T19:07:00.000-08:00

Maybe i didn't show every possible way how much i care, so can you promise me to think of us as a time so beautiful ? Can you promise me to look back at us as a time in your life, you enjoy. Something which can make you smile even when you're at your worst days.

HA, I think my fever has subsided. But i'm still very tired. I believe one of the toughest situations you can be ever faced with is deciding whether you should just move on or hold on a little tighter. Move on, and maybe you'll lose a chance at the best thing that could have ever happened, or hold on and have the possibility of your heart being broken. I'm so confused now.. Maybe I shouldn't be happy that you miss me. I'm deeply missable. Cause you're still the same person who broke your heart. And the only reason you're missing me is because you're choosing, every day, not to be with me..

It’s like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on. I can’t breathe, I don’t want to eat, I can’t function. It’s the most intense pain that I’ll ever feel, and there’s no way to relieve it. Its unyielding, merciless torture, and I know it’s yours for life..

So I guess you're one of those people who were supposed to walk into my life, teach me a lesson, and then walk away.. I just don’t know if I wanna get close to somebody so they can leave again, leaving me with a broken heart again. Anyone can easily walk away from somebody else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. But the real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away would be so much easier. So i guess you took the easier way. GAH, i want to sleep again, can't take it. fug everything. bye.

Knowing I get to see you

2010-02-11T05:35:00.000-08:00

I love it when in the middle of our kiss i feel you smiling, Yea i want to feel that again. I miss you alot right now and i can't stop. If ever there's a day when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you. Not a day that past that it does not run through mind, and i lied to you about something. illuma. Yeap, a lie. all a lie. I guess i acted it all out very well cause you believed me or maybe you just didn't trust me enough.. And i don't want to, or at least i don't know how to, tell you it was. HAHA, I can't lose you y'know. You're too important, HAH. But i think as each day goes by, your love for me lessens by the minute. And the thought of you not loving me 2 years later really does suck and it's breaking my heart.

I feel like crying now, i am weak and my eyes feel sore from all the crying. I want to drink. LOL, i haven't smoked for so long alr. zzz. FUCK EVERYTHING OKAY ? lol.

You're the first person i want to see when i wake up in the morning,

2010-02-11T00:06:00.000-08:00

“As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years. The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline—1924. The letter had been written almost sixty years ago. It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a “Dear John” letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him any more because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him. It was signed, Hannah. It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified.

More action.

Maybe if I called information, the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.

“Operator,” I began, “this is an unusual request. I’m trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?” She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said,

“Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can’t give you the number.” She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me. I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the line.

“I have a party who will speak with you.” I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the name of Hannah.

She gasped, “Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!”

“Would you know where that family could be located now?” I asked.

“I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some years ago,” the woman said. “Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter.”

She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living. I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home. This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that was almost 60 years old?

I called the nursing home.

Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me,

“Yes, Hannah is staying with us. ” Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her. “Well,” he said hesitatingly, “if you want to take a chance, she might be in the day room watching television.” I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home.

At the nursing home.

The nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah. She was a sweet, silver-haired old timer with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye. I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and said,

“Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever had with Michael.” She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said Softly, “I loved him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor.” “Yes,” she continued. “Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I think of him often. And,” she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, “tell him I still love him. You know,” she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, “I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael…”

I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked,

“Was the old lady able to help you?”

I told him she had given me a lead. “At least I have a last name. But I think I’ll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet.” I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side.

When the guard saw it, he said, “Hey, wait a minute! That’s Mr. Goldstein’s wallet. I’d know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He’s always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times.”

“Who’s Mr. Goldstein?” I asked as my hand began to shake.

“He’s one of the old timers on the 8th floor. That’s Mike Goldstein’s wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks.” I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse’s office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.

On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, “I think he’s still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He’s a darling old man.” We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet.

Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, “Oh, it is missing!”

“This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?”

I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, “Yes, that’s it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward.”

“No, thank you,” I said. “But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet.”

The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. “You read that letter?”

“Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is.”

He suddenly became pale. Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me,” he begged.

“She’s fine…just as pretty as when you knew her.” I said softly.

The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, “Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow.” He grabbed my hand and said, “You know something, mister, I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I never married. I guess I’ve always loved her.”

“Mr. Goldstein,” I said, “Come with me.” We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television.

The nurse walked over to her. “Hannah,” she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. “Do you know this man?” She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn’t say a word.

Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, “Hannah, it’s Michael. Do you remember me?” She gasped,

“Michael! I don’t believe it! Michael! It’s you! My Michael!” He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.

“See,” I said. “See how the Good Lord works! If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. “Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!”

The wedding.

It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their best man. The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple. A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years.”

727 days till you're mine again,

2010-02-09T20:38:00.000-08:00

Hey guys who read my blog and love my stories, will stop posting stories for awhile cause been having not much of a mood to do so, but when i have the mood, i will write every single chapter i owe you'll, (that'll be long). I will keep writing on paper but won't blog it out though. HAHA.

And I'm still loving you, and i forever will. Another lonely valentines day, haha. I wish you were mine again. Then we'll start all over again, right from the very start, only different this time. This time, you'd love me, and i'll love you. All over again.

(I'm crying again, oh wow) It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go. Slowly waiting till i can't wait any longer, till I'm gone. Still wondering if you still have everything i gave you.. I miss you..

Chapter 5: False hopes.

2010-02-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

7th February

Days and nights are spent alone now, it's like you were never in my life. The lonely i feel now suddenly won't go away, usually i won't care if anyone left me, I wouldn't care if i was single again. But you're different y'know ? You changed the way i thought of love to a whole new perspective.
Yeah, I have been dazing, staring at the door, hopping one day you'll walk in through that door and i'd run into your arms, like the first time. That perfect moment. My phone suddenly rang, but it wasn't my normal ringtone, it was your song. My face lit up immediately. I was so happy when i read your text.

" Hey destiny, well this is akward but, I think i want you back, been thinking about you these few days, i cried once, when i first broke up with you, i had no choice, these fights, have been affecting me in everything, especially my studies. I don't want to flunk my exams. I love you, and the point of my texting you this is because i want you back. I miss you and it's your choice to accept this or not, but i love you and that's all i want to say, hope to get your answer soon."

I was literally smiling, I couldn't contain my tears, my tears of joy. But i had this gut feeling that is wasn't completely true. I had my doubts, so i took my phone, I clicked reply and started typing...

" Are you serious ? Are you seriously going you leave everything behind ? Are we really going to start anew ? Are you going to love me like you did when we started off ? Why aren't you going to tell me anything, why didn't you tell me that you were suffering so much ? We could've sorted things out but you wanted to leave instead, has it really solved anything ? anything at all ? So you know how much i missed you ? Do you even care ? So many questions run through my mind and the biggest question I have now, in my mind is. Do you love me at all ?..."

I clicked send and started crying again, then, no reply. I waited by the phone, I didn't move, i just waited.
Night came and i got your reply, I was crying when i read it, i couldn't believe it.. I read word by word in my head..

" Then maybe we shouldn't get back together till i'm done with mt studies. Just another 2years, 2years is all i need, after that we'll think about being together again, I do love you and i don't want to be useless, I want to support you all your life, I don't want you to lift a single finger, i want to pamper you, to live a life of pure luxury. Baby, i love you and it's hard for me, just 2years, 2years."

Those words touched my heart, but 2years ? 2years without you !? How can i live ? What if you fall for another girl within these 2years ? I was so afraid and i couldn't take it, I almost replied that message when another one from you came, " don't text or call me until 2years later, i won't reply unless it's important, i love you destiny, goodbye." Those words stabbed my heart deeply. And it was already midnight, I went to sleep on the couch, hugging your picture, crying...I miss you

End of chapter 5.

If i knew then.

2010-02-06T11:05:00.000-08:00

What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten….. that I love the way she laughs at me when I commit mistakes, the way she fusses over silly things and even the way she cries over some sad silly late night show? Somehow, I wished I could have told her that I love her but now there’s no hope in doing so. For now, it’s rather too late…too late for me to do so.

She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not
only because she’s pretty and smart but also the way she laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love.

I could still remember the first time we met, I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy. He and his family just moved out to transfer at a neighboring state because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when out came the loveliest girl I’ve seen. She was four years old that time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes which could make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the
edge of the ladder and said, “Would you like to come up?” she answered, “May I?” So I help her climb up and when she reached the top she then
turned to me and said, “By the way, my name’s Sam, what’s yours?” I answered, ” My name is Christopher but then you can call me Chris.” She
smiled and said, ” Well i like your name. Hey your tree house’s neat!” then I replied, ” Thanks! troy and I made this. this used to be our hide out. We
used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him you know.” She smiled and said “I’m here now,
we could do things you do with troy and I could be your new best friend too. i never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have
one. I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?” I smiled and said, “Well
that sounds good enough.” Then she held her hand and said, “It’s a deal then!” So that’s how it started.

So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge
her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when
she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was i who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to loose a weeks’s allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was
near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.

The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a
special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other’s dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of
becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. it made me like her even more.

As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But when I
started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something
different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I
could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the
water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly
falling in love with my best friend.

Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I’d try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared
because she might think that I’m taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden.

We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch
their noses as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance mixed feelings of anger and hurt because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.

Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor.
Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team which
Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I
saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she might see in my eyes the pain I’m feeling inside because of seeing
her with another guy.

Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. every time we
meet in hallways and I see him around her, there’s a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I
long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was now casted on him as she passes by me she doesnt know that i whispher the words “God how I love you.”

Then one faithful day they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended up to their break
up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe i would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do.

So we found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our saturday swim routine, spending time in our tree house. we still enjoyed doing
childish pranks for we still are both young at heart. So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn’t bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her I love her. So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.

It was a week from our JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our afternoon swim when she said, “I was
wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?” It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me
awhile to answer her, “I thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?” So she turned away and quietly said, “Well i just
thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend.” Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear, “Don’t you want to die just
like them to be my partner Chris?” I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We we’re silent for a while
until I finally whispered, “I would be happy to be your partner Sam.” The she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy i
felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, “Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!” I ran slowed up so that i would lose which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.

Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam’s mother greeted me and I went
to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, “How do I look?” I look up and saw her
lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I could not find my
voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and whispered, “To the loveliest girl in the whole world.” She then asked,
” Is that true?” I nodded and she smiled and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her.

When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and
gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said ,” Would you give me the honor of your first dance?” She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to
the dance floor. It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to
me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair
were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most
beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most
was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to
telling her, but still haven’t done it.

We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It
took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our table, she was gone. I asked her friend, katie, where she was but she told me that she
doesn’t know. So I went and search for her. As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhoutte figures outlined by the moon’s silvery light. They were so close to each other. i could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium.

Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she
loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope
crush and my heart break. I didn’t return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. in the hallways, as she approaches i would go to
another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I
kept my pride.

The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program ended,
she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me. there was something in her eyes I couldn’t describe. There was sadness in them and
when she smiled it wasn’t the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned and walked away
from me.

So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at
night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each
achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I’m
worthy of having her.

It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and
during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane,
I went home directly, desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved
her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her.

I reached their house, I saw her older sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn’t smile back. I was confused for she
used to be a cheerful lasy just like my dear Sam. I then asked,” Hi Jen! I guess you’re suprised why I’m here. Well I just want to visit you and I was
also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Ummm………bby the way have you seen her?” All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied
quietly, “Come follow me.”

I was confused with the way she’s acting but still i followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but just
answered my questiond briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the
same oak tree Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It’s been one of the
happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. The Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then
whispered, “There’s Sam.”

I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and
desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up.

I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and slowly started saying,” It has been a week since she died. She died of
Leukemia, but eventhough she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to
bury her here for she always regard this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and that was when she
was with you. by the way, she also asked me to give you this.” She handed me a parcel and with that she left.

I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw a
letter. It was dated las month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading……..

******************************

I know by this time you read this letter I’m gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like
you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a
friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just bloomed
each day that’s why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side. You just don’t know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the
morning and dream no more for you are with me. When you are away, I can’t stop crying because I’m afraid to think that you are with another girl. I
just can’t bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that’s how I feel. Each time you held me
close to you was like a dream coming true for to be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was heaven. So many things I did so that
you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to full myself that
you’re in love with me too. So many nights I’ve cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I’m sayin are lies
but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love.

I know you might be thinking of Mark but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as
the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me
too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know how you would react and with that I’ll know that you love me too. But I
failed for you didn’t give me any clue. when our prom night came, you just don’t know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression so i told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it’s you whom I really love. What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do so. you continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I’ve experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I love you but I decided that I just couldn’t do it. I could not bear to hear that
all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left.

Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours
alone.

P.S.

Think of me sometimes…. and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

******************************

I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, “Oh God, send my love to heaven.”

- Took from Ized`Dearestlove.

Yes i know i can live without you,

2010-02-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

Should I continue this story ?

Chapter 4: Remembering.

2010-02-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

6th February

I still remember the day i fell deeply in love with you, we were hanging out at my house rooftop. Everything suddenly disappears except me and you, I laid in your arms as we gazed at stars. Just the two of us. Then you suggested going to a park and have a stroll, as it's a nice night tonight. It was romantic as I walked beside him, his arms around me, the warmth i felt was, indescribable. But i was afraid, that this perfect moment would end so incredibly fast, I was afraid of losing this warmth i felt. I suddenly pushed him away, and we kept our distance. I was afraid my heart would get broken again, if i fell for him too deeply. My walking speed suddenly slows down, and, to some extent, even time starts crawling by at a fractional speed. I can’t help but gaze at him as he moves further and further in front of me, with the brightest smile on his face, his scent blowing towards me, as he walks towards the park nearby.

He realized I wasn't beside him anymore. He then slows down and came to a stop, right before reaching the park. He turned around and looked at me, giving me this quizzical look, the cutest look of confusion I have ever seen, a look that wordlessly asks me if something is wrong. I love it when he gives me that look. It melts everything inside me and turns it all into butterflies. Then again, what about him doesn’t ? I continued walking towards him ever so slowly, as I finally reach him, I stop, I hugged him again, feeling the warmth he had. Then I look up, and stare straight into those soul-penetrating eyes of his for several seconds, all the while telling myself, “Destiny, it's only going to end in tears, control yourself. Don't fall in love.” Then i slowly, started to let go of him, but he hugged me back and didn't let go. We stood like this for several seconds before he let me go, instead of continuing our walk towards the park, he cupped my face and finally, he did it. He lean in, and kiss me. Those lips that made me fly.

Just a simple kiss, nothing more. I didn’t want anything to ruin this perfect, innocent moment. Time stops. I didn’t want to feel anything but the purity of his love for me. I didn’t want to feel anything but the exhilarating thrill of finally taking the leap for that love. I didn’t want to feel anything but our love ensconcing us in this moment, protecting this fragile, evanescent instant from both the real world realities lurking in my head and those of the dream reality in which the two of us presently exist. In which this moment exists. In which our love exists.

After a second or two, he broke off, looking back into my eyes. Not a word has been spoken since. Not a word needed to be said because our hearts were linked. They always were. And now we knew that they always will be. I smile my huge, awkward, silly grin and look away. He grabbed my left hand in his right, and start running, laughing in the process, and pulling me into the park, falling onto a patch of grass, lying down in the night, just gazing at the stars. He starts laughing too, and his smile blinds out the sun.

Remembering those times, i still dream of that day. 7th, was the day i fell madly in love with you. It was also the first time we kissed, that moment. I can never forget. I want you to be the one who is around me when i'm in fear, when it's dark and cold. Somehow with you around life has been so bright, you’re still the last thing on my mind at night. I still miss times when we’d hold hands and never let go. Yes you're my first true love and you'll always be my last. I will wait for you and i will never let go.

End of Chapter four.

Just thinking about you.

2010-02-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

Hi guys, so how's the story so far ?
GOOD or BAD ? Give your opinion, thanks a mil. I'm not going to post another chapter now cause i've ran out of ideas (actually i do have ideas, it's just..Not in the mood i suppose) OHYA, i'm going to do a cover for the song what hurts to most, obviously the one by Cascada. I can't sing for the Rascal Flatts one, I think their the same though. lol. BTW ! he's awsome, seriously good, i think i just think everything is good cause i can't do it, BUT WHO CARES !? I'm weird and it's not your business ain't it ? :D

pfft, got this from a tumblr user :$ , kinda makes sense though, reading this, I'll think about you.
It hurts when i think about you. But you're gone now and there's nothing i can do can i ? If you aren’t going to go all the way, why go at all ? "Maybe we shouldn't have let this relationship go on" , yea, those words felt like a knife that day. I'm now just confused. Shan't blog anymore, look at the thingy below. And see if your boyf is the sweetest. ha.ha.ha.

# Know how to make you smile when you are down.
# Try to secretly smell your hair BUT you always notice.
# Stick up for you but still be respectful of your independence.
# Give you the remote control during the game.
# Come up behind you, put his arms around you,squeeze you tightly against his chest and whisper softly into your ear.
# Play with your hair.
# His hands will always find yours.
# Be cute when he really wants something.
# Offer you plenty of massages.
# Dance with you even if he feels like a dork.
# Never run out of love.
# Be funny,but knows when to be serious.
# Realize he’s being funny when he needs to be serious.
# Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
# React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
# Smile alot.
# Plan a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn’t normally do just b/c he knows it means alot to you.
# Appreciate you.
# Help others out.
# Drive 5 hours just to see you for once.
# Always give you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each other’s company.
# Sing even if he can’t.
# Have a creative sense of humor.
# Look at you in the eyes.
# Call for no reason.
# Quit smoking,drinking or drugs just b/c he loves you enough to quit.

Chapter 3: Second day with out you.

2010-02-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

5th February

Today's another day, but not a happy one. Cause it's another day without you, I've hardly had the mood to actually eat, and i went back to smoking. It seems like smoking is part of my life now, cause i can't live without it. Just like i can't live without you..

Dragged myself around the house, and went to the phone, hopping you would call me. When i saw that i had a few voice-mails, a sudden smile went onto my face, I was filled with hope that you did call me. So i decided to listen to every one of them not missing out a single one, hopping i'd hear your voice, hopping that you'd say you miss me and you're coming home.

So i started listening..

Destiny, Emma here. Where are you ? Why aren't you picking up our calls, we heard what happened to you and Christian but there's no point crying over it. We wanna help you get over it sweetheart, please call us or at least pick up our calls, we know you're there. I miss you and the girls miss you. Talk to us okay ? loves. xoxo.

Destiny darling, Madison here. Why haven't you been hanging out with us ? Are you alright sweetie ? We miss you. Please call or pick up our calls. xxx.

Destiny, It's me Crystal. I saw Christian the other day, he wasn't with you. Why wasn't he with you, what happened babe ? Why aren't you at work ? Why aren't you picking up any of our calls ? Please call back as soon as you hear this. Loveya.

Destiny, babe, it's me Evelyn there's a real nice party at our usual hangout today, it might take your mind off things, hope you come. Call me if you're okay ? kisses.

After all the voice-mails, I started crying, none of them were from you. Hopes of you returning shattered again, I didn't pick up any calls or call them back. It's like I've shut the world out of my own. I hardly leave home now because I was afraid you might come home one day and see me not there, and you might just leave without a word and never come back. I couldn't take that chance. It would hurt too much knowing i lost my chance to see you. My daily needs are being sent over by the nice shop owner who stays just a few blocks away. She's a nice lady who had no children, and ever since i moved here, she's been treating me like her own. She'd always come to check on me, but i told her not to and she knew something was wrong and that i needed my space, she left me alone. Alone..

Yea, you told me to never leave you, and now ? I don't know what to believe. Maybe i should've left you before i had deeper feelings for you, but i wouldn't have experienced how it was like to be loved. Crying again, I can't seem to take it in, I've lost the most important thing, the only thing which mattered. Somehow I just can't get over you... I will wait, Day and night till you're mine again.

And before i knew it, dawn became dusk, and you're still not home. I miss you, but you'll never know..

End of chapter three

Chapter 2: First day without you

2010-02-04T06:22:00.000-08:00

4th February.

I woke up and it felt weird. Your face wasn't the first i saw today, you're voice wasn't the first i heard today. I didn't feel your hug and you didn't kiss my forehead and say "morning baby" like you always do. I've been so used to this routine and now you're gone, who's going to do that to me now ? I dazed on my bed for the whole morning, and tears rolled down my cheeks. This house doesn't feel like home anymore..

I had to go to work but i couldn't get myself to get ready and face another lifeless day, I called my boss, which was also my sister, and told her i'm not going to work. Guess she could sense that something was wrong and gave me a leave for as long as i wanted. I stayed at home that day, just thinking what went wrong, we were the envy of all our friends, the only happy high school romance which managed to last to the point of marriage and what happened was a total shock to everyone.

My parents were old and wanted me to be happy, to be happily married to the one i loved. It was amazing, no matter how strict my parents were, they accepted you. They said you had something special and could tell that i loved you. I sat on my bed for the whole morning without realising anything, I came to my senses eventually and dragged myself to door. Memories of you flooded my mind again and suddenly, before i even left the house i fell to my knees and started crying again. The words which stabbed me in the heart was said here, the last time you kissed me, the last time i felt your warm hug was also here. So i spent my whole day at home, watching whatever was on tv and eating afew tubs of icecream, usually this would cheer me up. But it didn't this time, nothing seem to stop my tears from falling.

I spent my day cooped up inside the house, hopping you'd bust through the door and take me away. My eyes were sore from crying so i gave up and went to bed, hopping in the middle of the night I'd feel your hug and in the morning I'd wake up hearing you say surprise and that it was all a joke, and that you loved me and will never ever leave me. I'm still waiting for that day, i'm missing you now and it's getting harder each day to let go...

End of Chapter Two.

Chapter one: The end

2010-02-03T18:35:00.000-08:00

3th February
(edited)

"You're a strong girl Destiny, I know you're. Let time decide our fate, we might be together someday." That's what you said as you walked out that door, I was stunned. I couldn't believe it at all. You broke up with me, on valentines day..
I never expected you to leave me, the 14th of February is coming in 11 days and you promised to propose me on that day. You promised me that you'll love me forever, even through the obstacles, but now ? What's this ? I can't take this pain at all. Why did you break your promise ? Is it true that promises are really meant to be broken ?...

At first, when we got together, i got to say that i never really loved you, I thought you were playing me the whole time till the 7th of November, you proved me wrong, even though you couldn't, you came all the way to find me. We didn't stay very close but you still came all the way down to where i was to comfort me. I was touched, and my love for you grew deeper. But i still couldn't stop the thought that you were playing with my heart, i tried my best not to fall for you, but my best wasn't enough and now i ended up with a broken heart and tears rolling down my eyes as i think of the past, our laughters and tears. How could you end a relationship as happy as this, just like that.. I'm 20 now yet I'm still not strong enough to let go, I'm still not strong enough to let go of you.

Life seems so empty now, it's like a huge whole has been punched through my chest, into my heart. You're gone now and i can't do anything, it seems like no words can ever bring you back and I'm left all alone. Life feels so meaningless now, i can't seem to smile a real smile anymore. I'm no longer happy. I was never a good drinker but you still allowed me to drink, as long as you were there to protect me, I'd feel safe. I went out drinking alone today and people say that when you're sad, you tend to get drunk easily. Maybe it's true, cause i was crying when i drank and i got drunk within minutes, but still i couldn't stop crying.

All my life of hiding my feelings maybe did paid off, I've learned how to smile even though on the inside I'm crying. This pain I'm feeling right now, it just won't seem to go away, i wished upon a star for your love for me to grow, but somehow nothing seems to change, and everything is still the same. I want you back, and now i know I've made my mistake. I will wait for you, this is my choice, the one i made.

End of chapter one.

Remember when getting high meant swinging on th playground

2010-01-29T14:24:00.000-08:00

" And do you ever want me, do you ever need me? I know that you left before goodbye. And it's okay, there's always another day. And anytime you want me, anytime you see me I don't think you meant to say goodbye, but it's okay, there's always another day. "

Second chances they don’t ever matter, people never change. I’m sorry, that’ll never change. But it was nice that we existed on the same time. I’ve been in a pretty shitty state of mind, it may be (or is) because of how i’ve been treated. I feel like i’ve been hated by everyone, amazing i still feel that way after years and tears. Sometimes, I just blame everything on myself. Guess it's just my fault. But that isn’t exactly the best way to go about living. Now I really have no other option. No matter how much I’d like to go into detail with my emotions, it really is too much to handle. Does it hurt when you think about it ? yes. You know i need you. But do you need me ? Do you need me at all..

Sometimes you just wake up full of happiness and freedom, thinking to yourself "today, i will make a difference". But somehow times have changed and you haven't got that kind of feeling for a long time. Some people never had that feeling. I feel like one of them. Sometimes you feel as if he's there. Hugging you, right beside you and he's still loving you. But just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's there. Looking at pictures of you still makes me cry, haha.. Now i feel i've lost you, more and more each day. Or maybe i've alr lost you, without me myself knowing you're gone. "Baby, i'm holding onto those words." Now i'm starting to hate 24th. (not what you think). I've got a tight grip of reality, i know your hearts is starting to be no longer mine. but I can't let go of what's in front of me here, i can't let go of you. Neither do i want to, i think i'd rather hurt then forget you completely. Our memories together, our laughter and tears. Amazing the love which made me smile all these years, makes me cry.

It's 6 in the morning, guess i'll go to bed now. Bye.

I'm wasting my time now, but somehow it doesn't matter

2010-01-28T07:24:00.000-08:00

Negative:
If you don't even know where you're going.
Don't bother.
If you don't got an aim or ambition.
Don't bother.
If you don't know what's you're mission in life.
Don't bother.
If you think it's wasting your time.
Don't bother.
If you think love hurts.
Don't bother.
If you think it's pointless living.
End it.

Positive:
If you don't even know where you're going.
Find out.
If you don't got an aim or ambition.
Get one.
If you don't know what's your mission in life.
Get one.
If you think it's wasting your time.
Then don't do it.
If you think love hurts.
You're wrong
If you think it's pointless living.
Go To Heaven

Don't ask where to go when you yourself don't know.
Cause it won't matter which road you go.

If luck is on my side tonight.

2010-01-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

Oh Florida, please be still tonight
Don't disturb this love of mine
Look how she's so serene
You've gotta help me out

And count the stars to form in lines
And find the words we'll sing in time
I want to keep her dreaming
It's my one wish, I won't forget this

I'm outdated, overrated
Morning seems so far way

So I'll sing a melody
And hope to God she's listening
Sleeping softly while I sing
And I'll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right

If luck is on my side tonight
My clumsy tongue will make it right
And wrists that touch
It isn't much, but it's enough
To form imaginary lines
Forget your scars, we'll forget mine
The hours change so fast
Oh God, please make this last

'Cause I'm outdated, overrated
Morning seems so far way

So I'll sing a melody
And hope to God she's listening
Sleeping softly while I sing
And I'll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right
Could get it right

You could crush me
Please don't crush me
'Cause baby I'm a dreamer for sure
And I won't let you down
I swear this time I mean it

And I'll sing a melody
And hope to God she's listening
Sleeping softly while I sing
And I'll be your memories
Your lullaby for all the times
Hoping that my voice could get it right

You tell me I'm your only one,

2010-01-20T20:15:00.000-08:00

It's not a crime to want time on your own, I'll just wait.

HAHA ! Currently bored at home, zzz. I wna go out. going school tomorrow..A LONG DAY.
SCHOOL + choir. Was thinking about everyt, then i remembered past memories. Yes love's memory has traced our outline in this place. But will the spider remember, or th sun ? Did th water capture our faces in permanence ? Does th wind create us anew as it blows ? Did th shadows from th trees record our passage beneath them ? Our secret been revealed. Yet I have told no other. I write these words in silence, in mute testimony t what once was.
Our image will remain alive in this place. It can not be removed. You, me, we then, were here. We saw th day and hoped for tomorrow. We caught a brief glimpse of love's promise. We were not liars, but thieves of time. For now time has now forgotten us, Yet our memory lingers, and love remembers this place that was ours.

Hurt that's not supposed to show and tears that fall when no one knows, when you're trying hard to be your best, could you be a little less?
Strong inside but you don't know it. Good little girls they never show it. When you open up your mouth to speak, could you be a little weak?
In this world, Do you know ? Do you know ? Do you know what it feels like for a girl ? What it feels like in this world ? I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes, but those are just a long lost memory of mine. I spent so many years learning how to survive
Sometimes I forget and this time, I’ll admit that I miss you. I said I miss you, all this while.

Currently in a lethargic state, alone. I realized we're all trying to build dreams with two by fours and glue, but even a home won't tie us together when our hearts live alone. Like all words do, eventually and we allowed our bodies t become another pair of hollow shadows that make love t a wall instead of each other and we wonder why th roses are dying

He was always on my mind.
Dreams without his image were nightmares.
However, dreams with him saddened me as well,
because I knew I would wake up to find that it was unreal.

2010-01-17T07:13:00.000-08:00

NEW weakness: Patpat

Lester, stop w th patpat ! irritatingz

Should've kissed you there.

2010-01-08T19:14:00.000-08:00

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend..

(Picture form dino, (LLL))

It started out as a feeling.

2010-01-07T19:46:00.000-08:00

Loyang Secondary School. It was rumoured that in the 4th floor girl’s toilet at the old block, it is haunted and that is why the lights are kept on for 24 hours. Those students who had helped out in the AVA room claimed to see a lady walking along the backstage.
-
Ngee Ann Polytechnic was rumoured to have a girl student died in one of the engineering workshop because her hair got stucked in some machine and screams can be heard from the workshop at night.
-
Tampines Secondary School was said to be haunted by the spirit of a girl whom was raped by construction workers during its construction days in the 1980s.
-
Hai Sing Secondary School had a mother Mary there whose statue will drip blood.
-
CHIJ Saint Josept Convent had rumours about why a cubicle is always locked. It was said that a girl was waiting for her parents to fetch her one day while she got raped and thereafter hanged herself in one of the toilet.
-
Pei Dao Secondary School was famous for the smacking and hitting noise at night in the basketball court. The music room was also rumoured to be haunted with a piano playing by itself every night at 12am sharp.
-
Pasir Ris Crest had an indian construction worker committed suicide in the toilet in its construction days. It was rumoured that the toilet was locked eversince after students complained about seeing a man stabbing himself repeatedly in the stomach.
-
Queenstown Secondary School was famous for the tomb stone that was found in the field by students.
-
Bedok View Secondary School had a toilet next to the bio lab on the ground floor haunted by a long haired ghost obsessed with combing her hair infront of the mirror. A few girls went into the toilet and ran out screaming and crying while it was rumoured the principal went inside the toilet to scold the ghost.
-
Yuying Secondary had its teachers and principals seeing silhouettes of children running around the school compound when worked late. It was said that when the school was doing its upgrading work, construction workers quitted one by one after witnessing strange occurrences.
-
Gan Eng Seng Secondary School had its 4th storey Ary Class haunted to the point of the teachers wouldn’t dare to enter the room alone. The rooftop of the building was rumoured to live a singing lady whose voice could be heard in an art classroom.
-
Singapore Polytechnics had T1,T2,T3…..but no T13. A student committed suicide at one of the teaching block’s toilet after stabbing the lecturer ( the lecturer died too). Screams can be heard at night when part time students were having classes.
-
Haig Girls Secondary School used to be a place to hold POWs during WWII. There is an area within the school compound which has more than usual rate of accidents occuring. It seems many people would trip and fall while walking along the compound. Was rumoured that walking across the field diagonally cutting across field at night, you will be greeted by an old woman asking you to buy matchsticks from her.
-
Meiling Seconary School has a railway track behind its building. The school was moved to a temporary building they were building a new one. A broken hand was rumoured to be crawling somewhere in the technical lab from a student whose hand was saw off during lesson and bleed to death. At the old school in Bukit Merah, the toilet on the 5th floor was locked because it was haunted by a girl who hanged herself in the toilet.
-
Boonlay Secondary School had a pond in the middle of a science block with classes. It was said that if one look at the pond at night, there will be a strange face that will surface out of it.
-
Temasek Polytechnic was rumoured to have an indian worker binding wire inside a pillar but a colleague pour cement inside the pillar burying him in the process and they only found out when the whole building was almost completed. It was rumoured that the body is still inside the pillar which is believed to be somewhere in Block 18.
-
ACS was rumoured to be haunted by a boy who jumped into the gears in the gear room of the clock tower. Students being possessed were common in the school.
-
In Temasek Polytechnic, Engine block corridors from Block 18 were so haunted that guards wouldn’t patrol that area. A famous story told by a guard was he saw a student at a locker as he was patrolling and as he make an U turn few minutes later, he found a piece of newspaper on the floor with that student’s face he just saw. Only problem is that student was killed by a sports car at the bus stop few months back.
-
Ngee Ann Polytechnic was rumoured to be built on burial ground. The slopes and hilly grounds is an indication of bunkers underneath.
-
Clementi Town Secondary School had its Home Econs and Science Lab haunted by a ghost whose head roll on the floor.
-
Tanjong Katong Secondary were said to be haunted at its studio. Band members staying the night were always disturbed while sleeping.

Taken from kitty`darlingzxcz ^^

29th, (K) !

2009-12-29T06:05:00.000-08:00

OHYEA ! (Y)

HULLO !!! miss me ? :D
today..

Home >> AMK >> PENNI >> CINE >> somerset mrt >> PLAZASING >> PASIR RIS >> home (Y)

Jubeat reached A4 \m/.

BYA :D !

I'm still loving you, like it was th first time.

2009-12-24T17:35:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHRISTMAZ AND A MELLY NEW YEAR BABIES ! (K)

Enjoy today w your friends and family yea ? TATA xoxoxcz

Cause it's over.

2009-12-24T05:50:00.000-08:00

2009 IS TH WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE, FUCK.

Once again i ask myself: what is love?

2009-12-23T06:51:00.000-08:00

If I ever have th chance, I would rather choose not t let our path crossed. I wonder if you ever dreamt of th one you loved leaving you, have you ever been hurt, till th extend that th scene kept flashing across your mind ? Till when you have to cuddle in one corner and wipe those tears ? Again and again, I have t mend those shattered heart pieces in my heart. Those scene have been haunting me for so long. I wonder when will this end, I doubt it would cause I just refuse t let go. Maybe everyt will only end until my very last breath, and maybe even at my very last breath, I will still wna hold onto your hands and say, ' I have never regret '.

When I got finally got the chance t see you again, you told me you are leaving; so fast, that fast...I am always left alone there t mend th broken peices of my heart, so i wonder if there is a need since it is always broken. I wonder why did god let our path crossed each other, but never allow us t be together. Is this a test of time or something ? I wonder if you could spare me of one your days, I just want to take a close look at you th whole day. You always turned your back and face me, so I never had th chance. You did not pass through my mind tday at all, because you are always in my mind. As the clock ticks, every second, you are being missed so badly. There you are, yet so far. Now, you are even further away from me. What's more could I do other than thinking of you ? What's more could I do beside praying for you, hoping you would be safe, I am always th side dish and not th main. I would rather you be my burden, than me being yours, I would rather you come and bother me, than me bothering you. I wonder why do I always forgive you times and times again, I wonder why you always appear in my mind again and again, I wonder what made me t delete all your messages, I wonder who would you sing t, I wonder why I always wonder, then I realise, I have never seek for an answer and I didn't want t.

I'm scared. It shows that I'm not prepared to be in love with you so soon cause I've been through enough to have, something hold me back. We don't need t go that far, let's hold on to where we are. If it's real we'll make it through, cause all I need is you. They say don't waste my time, they're obviously blind. So let's forget the words the thoughts they put into my head, don't give up just yet, we don't need the world right now. We got time t work it out. Hold on tight, I'll hold on too. Cause all I need is -- Baby, maybe we should start somewhere baby, let me in your heart,
Before we fall apart.

Kiss On The Lips = I Love You ♥
Kiss On The Ear = You Are Special
Kiss On The Nose = Laughter
Kiss On Cheek = Friendship
Kiss On The Forehead = I Comfort You
Kiss On The Neck = I Want You
Kiss On The Shoulder = You Are Wonderful
Kiss Anywhere Else = Be Careful
Play Around With Hair = Can't Live Without You
Holding Hands = Happiness
Arm Around Waist = You Are Mine, I Need You
A Hug = I Care
Nibble On Ear = Start Warming ♥
Smiling At Each Other = I Like You ♥
Lifting Up Eyebrows/Wink = Flirtation
Looking Around = Hiding True Feelings
Tender Kiss On The Side Of Your Lips = You’re Mine
Wetting Your Lips = Waiting For A Kiss
Teardrop = I’m Losing You
Crying = I Lost You

FML

2009-12-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

This will be my 100th post, yayme.

1)From now on , you can't tell lies, are you ready?
- yeaps

2)Think back six months ago, were you single?
- nope.

3)What do you carry with you at all times?
- handphone, ipod

4)When you say you don't care, do you mean it?
- depends on who la :x

5)What are you feeling?
- sadd

6)Is something wrong right now?
- yes.

7)Are you mad at someone?
- nah
.
8)What's on your mind?
- simply him

9)Are you jealous of someone right now ?
- yea

10)Do you have a piggy bank that's actually shaped like a pig?
- yes :x

11)Do you want to start over with anyone?
- Yes. I want him back.

12)Do you know anyone likes you?
- nope

13)Are you good at hiding your feelings?
- not really

14)What are you supposed to be doing right now?
- preparing.

15)True love or 1 billion bucks?
- both ^^

16)Has anyone ever told you have pretty eyes?
- maybe

17)Anything you would change about your life ?
- yea

18)Could you cry right now?
- yea

19)Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
- i did, yesterday

20)How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
- huh ._.

21)Are you okay with the live you live?
- k la.

22)Last person you told a secret to?
- i forgot.

23)Do you believe true love can conquer anything?
- suppose so.

24)When was th last time you cried?
- this morning.

25)How much money did you spend today?
- none

26)What are you sitting on now?
- computer chair

27)Whats something you really want right now?
- true love
.
28)How do you feel about your hair right now?
- fk it, LOL

29)What did you do yesterday?
- went 13 outing.

30)Would you forgive a friend for telling your biggest secret?
- -'-

31)Is there someone that makes you happy when you speak with them?
- yea.

32)When's the last time you said you were fine and you really weren't?
- yesterday

33)Is someone on your mind right now?
- yea.

34)Who's birthday is coming up?
- leong's

35)Were you happy when you woke up?
- no

36)What is one emotion you are feeling right now?
- sadness, hurt.

37)Are you easy to get along?
- meaning ?

38)Ever cheated on someone?
- nah

39)Who is the last person you send a text?
-Hazel.

Another quiz :
1.What do you want to be when you grow up?
Happy.

2.Have you ever fallen in love?
yea, -'-

3.Do you like older guys/girls?
see how lo

4.Who are the most important people to you?
hmm,

5.What/Who are you thinking of right now?
him.

6.What is you favourite colour?
orange

7. Are you seriously in love?
w who ?

8.Would you cry for the one you love?
i've alr done that

9.Have you ever failed in life?
yea

10.What is your full name?
Cheryl Yew

11.Do you like your surname?
k la

12.How long have you liked the person you currently like?
idk.

13.Have you ever kissed anyone in the last 48 hours?
nope

14.Did you cry today?
yes.

15.What are you doing this morning at 8am?
crying in my sleep.

16.What are you doing an hour ago ?
sleeping

17.What are you currently doing?
doing this quiz

18.Who last texted you a msg?
Hazel

19.Have you told anyone that you love them today?
Nope

20.Do you miss anyone now?
yea.

21.Any plans for tomorrow?
No.

22.Is there anyone you want to be with now?
yea

23.Name someone who make you smile today?
not yet.

24.Name a friend whose name starts with `Z'
idk ._.

25.Which of your friend(s) stays closest to you?
afew

26.DO you prefer to call or text?
anyt

27.Was yesterday better than today?
i haven't even done anyt.

28.Can you live a day without tv and your phone?
nope

29.Are you mad about anything now?
nope

30.Do you ever think that relationships are really worth it?
idk

31.Last person you visted in a hospital?
idk

32.When is your last and second last hug ?
idk.

33.What does the last text msg in your inbox says?
i lazy check

34.How do you feel about your life now?
FML

35.Do you hate anyone?
i don't think so.

36.Last person you called?
no one.

37.Who usually send you the most texts in a month?
i forgot.

38.Is your room messy now?
yes :/

39.What are you currently doing?
doing this dumb quiz ._.

The mess i've made

2009-12-17T06:59:00.000-08:00

I've messed up everyt in life,

now i just want t know what do i have t lose ?

BUANGSTERS HUAT AH ! \m/

2009-12-16T19:26:00.000-08:00

BUANGSTERS NEVER DIE ! \m/

Buangsters never die, chiobus first t die.

Chiobus hong, buangsters tx (no offence t chiobus out there) ^^

I AM A BUANGSTER, buangster huat ah. (LOL!)

idk what i am saying, woot \m/

I can't sleep cause i miss you.

2009-12-15T12:36:00.000-08:00

Cause i'm missing you that much.

When i was in primary school, i did this cause i thought it was cool. Now i'm doing this cause i want t be physically hurt, t forget th hurt i feel in my heart. I cried so hard yesterday, my eyes are still sore, and that's fked up cause i haven't cried this much for so long. I used up about 10 packs of tissue, that's how much hurt you're fking putting my through, and i hope you're happy about it.

But what can i do, you're gone now. I dreamt of you, i cried in my sleep cause of this dream. I hate this dream alot, *takes tissue* I'm suppose t be sleeping now, but i can't sleep. I'm thinking of you. Why am I still holding on, when I know you've alr moved on ? It's funny how someone can break your heart, and you still can love them back with all the little pieces. Yes, i guess you think i'm weak. Well I'm a failure afterall, i've let you slip out of my hands like that.

I'm staring at that bloody tissue now, wow, bloody. my hands are itchy, but i've promised not t do anyt so yea, sigh. shagggggggggggggg, and sick too infact, i've been coughing non-stop, sneezing, and i got a slight fever ! yayness. anyways, i no mood post alr. *ends here*

(some words taken from kitty's blog)

I'm outdated,

2009-12-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

AMEZZZ

He ask me write de, *points t him*

I hate th 22nd of august.

2009-12-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

It’s not only that i miss you. I just, for some reason, keep thinking you’re going to walk through that door and tell me that you miss me and you want me and can’t imagine your life without me. I keep thinking you need me and you’re randomly going to call me, msn me, or text me. I keep waiting for the moment you’re going to man up and tell me all this… then i realize why you haven’t done it yet… because none of it’s true. You’ve moved on now, and you’re happy. Without me.

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you're a good person and a good friend. What's meant to be will end up good and what's not- won't. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and not lose something real.
Always fight, until you can't anymore, and then be fought for.

Sometimes you just need to cry and be sad. You need to break down and be torn apart. You need to learn how to pick yourself up and put yourself back together.
Sometimes, the only way to be happy is to give in to sadness first.

I don’t want to be called weak and helpless. I don’t want to be judged. I am looking into a sea of faces which are all swirling around and I cannot really make out a clear face to call out to. I want to reach out and cry for help but at the same time, I want to prove to people that I can dig myself out of this rut and that I can pick myself up and walk away from this moment with a smile on my face. Right now, I am still sitting in the mud puddle, slowly sinking.

Just for you, anything for you,

2009-12-06T00:27:00.000-08:00

I'm going t learn either one or both, wootxcz :D

You don't know what you got till you're missing it alot

2009-12-04T02:02:00.000-08:00

*guy woke up coz he heard some noises, went looking for his girl, saw her in the balcony*
Guy: why aren't you in bed?
Girl: i don't know.
Guy: having problems eh?
Girl: maybe. if i get into trouble, i might even die.
Guy: you won't.
Girl: why not?
Guy: i wont let you die.
Girl: *looks at guy*
Guy: i love you, and i'm not going to let you die.
Girl: how long can you love me?
Guy: forever.
Girl: whenever someone tells you he love you forever, its either he's lying to himself or he's lying to you.
Guy: *laughs*, why say so?
Girl: because you're not the first person who said this to me.
Guy: i'll be the last.

At times like this i wish i was dead.

2009-12-03T08:04:00.000-08:00

What for hold on to something which hurts ?

What for hold onto something when th heart's not there, when there's no love at all ? What's th point in carrying on with a relationship when you're both crying silently, hoping th other party doesn't know. I wonder who i can trust right now, even my own grandmother backstabbed me, how nice, and she asks me why i never tell her anyt ? -.- Sometimes i feel so damn lonely, i hate to eat myself (some people know why), I hate being alone, but who doesn't, who doesn't cry in their sleep, who doesn't hurt themselves to feel physical pain, rather then mental pain ?

Truth is, i'd rather hurt physically then mentally. Why you may ask, simple.. When you feel physical pain, it'll heal, and it may not come back again, but mental pain never heals. Mental pain never goes away permanently, it stays with you, haunting you in your sleep, in your dreams. Everytime that memory gets triggered, it'll stick with you for days, weeks or even months, when it leaves, something else will trigger that memory, which is more or less annoying.

No matter how crazy and funny the scenes around you are,

no matter how much you want to laugh out loud,

it's useless when the person you want to laugh with isn't with you.

Stories with tragic endings

2009-11-29T11:05:00.000-08:00

I hate it when people drift apart.

Change, it's never nice.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how much effort you put in, certain things are inevitable or they just simply don't work out, fucked up isn't it, HAHA. Change isn't something you'd like, unless it's a good kind of change, but sometimes change is good for someone, but bad for th other, so, change is still not good. I want t go t th beach at night, see th stars w you baby, cause i miss you, i miss you a little too much, a little more each day.

I can't cherish anyt till it's gone, *slaps self*. CHERYL, WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID T LET SOMETHING SO PERFECT SLIP OUT OF YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HANDS !? I really hate myself alot yea, i want t cry. I'm afraid of depression, th feeling of depression is something you won't want to feel, trust me. OH MAN ! I can't sleep, though i want t, i want t eat right now but there's nothing t eat, damn. *growls* Been watching fairy odd parents these days, how cute are they ! LIKE SUPER CUTE K ! :B me love cosmo, cause he's dumb but cute, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ~~ currently staring at th deck of cards you gave me, i like th colours alot, HAHA. I'm going t repaint and redeco my room soon, so i will be real busy. HAHA, ahhh, i'm bored and idk what t write anymore, so i'll leave, TATA !

Sometimes it's hard to get to sleep at night.

Sometimes I think about the way it could've been.

I'm losing and this is my real life.

2009-11-24T22:05:00.000-08:00

Isn’t it funny how you can think you’re completely over someone, but if you drive past his house, stumble upon a meaningful song you both shared, or even get a glance of him on the street… just in an instant, it can change all that, and you start to remember the pain, that hollow space is feeling more and more like the Grand Canyon with every second that goes by.

But you bury these feelings deep down, so deep that you’re sure no one will be able to tell to the outside world, you smile and act like nothing is wrong or ever will be.
Everything’s just perfect.
For that split second that you’ve locked eyes, a tiny whisper, say “make this last forever, only and just moment forever and ever.” But after a second or so, you go along your own merry way, all the while home realizing how much you do miss him, how much you still love him… and it sticks with you for days, weeks, maybe months, until fate decides to hand you another one of those unexpected moments and then you finally understand the worst feeling in the world is when the person you love the most is standing right next to you, yet you can never have them.
Try as you may, you can’t make someone love you.

You can feel when someone you hold close to your heart is slipping away, little by little. It’s when the mere thought of losing someone can bring you to tears almost instantly. The pain you are beginning to feel can crush your entire heart. Yet everything that you try to do to solve the problems only push them further and further away from you. When the only chance of getting back to the way things were in the beginning is to hope this person realized what they may be losing.

If I could give everyone one piece of love advice, it would be once you find the one you’ve spent your whole lifetime searching for, don’t give them up without a fight. Never let them just walk right out of your life. Whatever you do, don’t ever let them, go, hold onto them with all that you’ve got, because you have no guarantee that they’ll be back. So, don’t make the mistake I have made. Don’t just watch them leave. It could be the last you ever see them. Don’t look back on it and regret not saying the words you needed to say, Or doing the things you needed to do. Because that feeling of regret will never leave you.

It's th 24th today and i kinda miss you terribly.

2009-11-24T11:43:00.000-08:00

Flipping through photos, looking back at th memories, I really want to stop what's going on my mind. it seems that night is getting longer and thoughts of you are killing me.
But now can i do anything? I really want to at least be able to do something. Everything really just doesn't go th way i want it t, Why is it more the simple of things are, th more i can't get up after th storm ?

Don't you know you're th only one who's got enough of me t break my heart ? Right now, inside me is only heartache and pain, guess it was never meant t be, yeah i guess it's time i set you free, right now i feels as if my world has fallen apart, now i know how loneliness really feels, it's cause i still love you, and it hurts, thinking about you all th time hurts too. Somehow the heart ache that I feel everytime i'm not without you, tells me my love for you is real.
You know you've loved th best when it hurts th most.
How i wish so much that you were mine again, you're still on my mind y'know, dreams without you were nightmares, but dreams with you were sad, 'cause I would wake up to find that it wasn't real, sometimes i wonder where's th happiness we promised. Sometimes th same love that makes me laugh made me cry, sometimes i'd with for you t say I miss you, I'm sorry.

It's 40 mins past 24th, i'm thinking about th past.
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you, pictures and some memories will have to help me through.
When you said " you can tell me anyt " , i so wanted t say that i still love you, i miss you and i wanted you back, do you know ? but i guess it's another wishful part of mind which i can't ever have, it will never come true.

Well, i guess you're asleep now cause suddenly no reply from you, sigh, i miss you alot la, that's all i know.

Behind these eyes of happiness,

2009-11-21T02:51:00.000-08:00

I'd be posting into my private blog more, cause it's something not much should see, if you can't help, i won't invite, cause i can't trust you, not saying i don't treasure our friendship, but how t say, i don't know you well enough t say anyt much t you luh, cause you were never there la.

so yeah, HAHA

Guess you're happy i'm hurting like crazy

guess you don't care whatever i do,

yes i want t fucking get over you.

This time baby, I'll be bulletproof.

2009-11-16T16:25:00.000-08:00

Xiaoxixi: I love Moses k? Stop it!

Munkey`Tıиg`яetarded: hais :D tag tag :D u shud noe whu i am :P

Pb: Lol why hate me?

Genevieve: haha you're most welcome babe :D

DARRYLQUEK: yo last long hor =DDDD

♥ Balleryy: Tagged Babybuu!

Pb: Hais poor moses.

EUNICE :D: tagged ^^ <3 loves :D

Xiaoxixi: ah, hello, okay you love him, no need spam me, stop what ? o.o

TinyRetarded: HAHA, ehhh, what's your name ah ? (:

Pb: idk, oei, put your name la ! D:<

Genevieve: HAHA :D

DarrylQuek: HELLO, thanks, you're ? <:

Ballery: thanks Babybuu :D

Pb: why poor him ? ):

Eunice: thanks sugarbabe, (L)

TAGS ARE REPLIED :D

It ain't perfect, but it’s worth it, (♥)

2009-11-14T07:21:00.000-08:00

Those in bold are sweetheart's blog post, those in orange is mine.

feel so hopeless...
baby, you're not hopeless.

sometimes i feel like such a lousy boyf sia...
YOU'RE NOT ! D:

i don't even think i deserve her or so...
fk you, who say ! D:

tears feels like dropping down now...
OEI, tell me not t cry then you cry, I SLAP YOU AH !

i get the insecurity everytime when i come to think that there is many guys out here jioing her and liking her all... feels @#$%&*# suckish..
BI, so what if they like me or what fuck, i love you k ! ):

sigh... and there are times that when i have her touch.. thoughts run in mind that i may loose her some day...
baby, i'll never leave you, melovedieyou ! )':

people do have a pessimistic side anyway... i always try to be optimistic but i always get the hurt feeling... * don know how to explain....*
WAHLAO, BI CHEER UP K, i'm yours forever ! ):

sweetheart, i understand how you feel and i know it hurts, knowing you love someone so much, but might lose them in th end, i've had that feeling before, it sucks. Baby, i'm yours forever k, i'll never leave you, and i never want t.

baby, you're th first voice i wna hear in th morning, and th last i want t hear of th day, you're heaven sent, words still cannot express how i feel about you, you make me feel like nothing bad would ever happen again, you make me feel like i was never wronged, baby i love you w all my heart and soul. Sweetheart, it doesn't matter how old you are, or how old i am, all that matters is that we have each other now, there's nothing left t worry about, th only thing we have t worry about is each other. I want t keep you safe, and i'll love you till th end of time itself, not matter what dear, i'll love you forever.

baby, cheer up, don't ever ever cry okay, cause i don't want t see you cry, *heartbreaks* )':
BABY ILDYF ! never will we part k, you promised ! ^^v

ps, Pb, i hate you ! ):

Cause only you can love me this way.

2009-11-13T17:48:00.000-08:00

TAGS ARE REPLIED :D

Huilin: thanks babyheart, (heartxcz) !
ian: it's k :D
Nicholas: heyy (:
Joanne: thanks chiobu :D
Genevieve: thanks babe (:
Russ: aha, hello again :D
shunxiang: heyy shunxiang (:
Olivia: aw, thanks sweetie, it's k :D
Faith: Hey, thanks (;
Weiting: HAHA, i'm not pretty ! ): meloveyoumuch too babe xB
Russ: LOL, hey (:
Huilin: BabyHeart ! (L)
S'hihuizx.: okay :D

waiting for you, i'm waiting for you.

2009-11-12T17:25:00.000-08:00

I could live fine without you, even if you beg it'll be no use
I drank th alcohol I couldn't drink, I even drank up th night and it burned my heart
I hate it, a day without you is too long, I beg t finally forget about you .
Without you, I have no smiles.
I don't wanna live anymore,
It makes me mad, I think I'm going insane by th thought of you.
I want t see you, but they say I can't, it's all over.
I'm so sorry but I love you.
It's all lies,
I didn't know but now I do,
I need you.
Sharp words on a whim, I didn't even know and I sent you off.
Leave me and you could forget me slowly, so I can get hurt.
That song I sang you that I put everything into,
People probably dontknow.
By myself so, that nobody knows.
Yeah and words that I said were all lies.
Now I'm being left alone, th sight of me not knowing what t do.
Th crinkled note in my pocket, that told of seperation, that I have folded .
I want t change, I want t laugh it off now.
I still can't forget you, even if it takes forever, untill th day I die.
I wonder if th hurt I gave you has healed, I'm sorry cos I didn't do anything for you.

Since the day you left, my heart started to ache.
The heart ache that I feel, Its because my love for you is real.
Years and months had pass, I thought I can forget you at last.
But I was so disappointed, because it's you I kept on waiting for.
Many sleepless nights was because you were always there at my sight.
I tried to close my eyes, but I always catch your imaginary smiles.
So here I am all alone, wishing and hoping that you come back.

I am waiting for you, In more ways than one.
I want all of you, I do not want anybody else.
You are my number one, I love you more than life.
Even when we were apart, You had me captivated.
My heart belongs to you, I want you to take me.
Keep me as I am, do not try and change me.
I hate being so distant from you, the day it was all over is all I think about.
Thinking about you being near, has me all hysterical.
Been waiting for you for several years, that is narrowed into months.
Were on the opposite side of the country, but there is so much compassion I am waiting for you to take me to a scene of love and passion.
I love you, I will be waiting for you ♥

I will wait for you no matter where you go.
I will wait for you for however long.
I will stay strong for that day I know.
That someday soon will come along.
That's when the waiting can be done.
That's when the waiting will be done.
Without you there is such an emptiness.
That hasn't been filled in oh so very long.

Only thoughts of what can be.
Is enough to keep me hanging on.
To the happiness that can come.
To the happiness that will come.
One day soon I will hold you in my arms.
Everyday day without you will then fade away.
And we will remember only this day.
That was worth the price we had to pay.
To find ourselves back in each others arms.
And to have that, I will wait for you.
I will wait for you no matter where you go.
I will wait for you for however long.
I will stay strong for that day I know.
That someday soon will come along.
That's when the waiting will be done .

i wrote a song for you when we started,

2009-11-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

you told me you were going t love me
protect me all this while
guess i was a fool t believe you
cause now i know it was never true.

th words you said in th past
they still linger in my heart
in my mind
those tears i cry each night
th pain and memory won't go away tnight
you left me here
yeah you left me without saying goodbye
and my heart, yeah it died so hard

and after awhile
i began t pray
haven't done it in awhile
i've got no idea what t say
sometimes when i look back
i realised you just played w my heart
now all that fills my mind are questions about our past love

trust me when i say i don't wna love you
but not loving you is harder then you'd ever know
sometimes i wonder, is this really goodbye
was there really no turning back ?

now everyt brings me agony
it brings me pain
thinking you did love me was just stupid
but someway, somehow
i still do wish you'd love me.

yeah everyt used t be so bring,
th laughter and care
it all soon caught night.

yeah now i try t forget you
i try not t think about before
you were my one and only love
and it hurts t ponder about us now
everyt i owned, i did, i know
was because you thought me, you showed me
it was all because of you
i love you too much, it's too deep
i'm so afraid t lose you.

but i've alr lost you..

They don't make them like you, anymore.

2009-11-07T20:25:00.001-08:00

Lelyn: huh ? :x

Huankai: hi huankai <:

Shamay: heyy <:

Ballery: babybuu ~ <3

Hazel: honeybaby ! (L)

Euniuce: HEY SUGARBABE ! :D

Yongfu: yes you are.

Junkai: hey (:

Rachel: COUPLEHEART ! relinked <3>

Shannon: hey hey hey :D

Shihui: HEY <:

Chelxcz: linked alr babe, (L)

T.Xinger: heyy, you're ? (:

Celine: SUGARKISS, thanks :D !

Yusa: NOPE !! :D

Ashley: SUGARLOVE, ILDY TOO ! <3>

dc: HELLO :D

ALL TAGS REPLIED :D

Th perfect crime, (♥)

2009-11-07T08:26:00.000-08:00

NIHAOxz :D

Today is me and boyf's 1 month, :D have many pictures la, but now mum's in th room, so i can't really upload them, but i have a feeling she knows about him alr, LOLOL. Baby, can't believe that you got th wrong date for our anniversary, you kuku ! HAHA ! But it's okay, you cutely forgot got th date wrong, so yeahh. OMG, i miss you ):

okay, mama kpkb alr, ): short post, night :D

One month, (爱)

2009-11-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
but baby If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see
Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over.

Hey all, haven't posted for a long time, i'm so dead tired, and now going t send ahma ahgong t air port.

爱 & 愛 , got difference, yes there is, th 'ai' now has no 'xin' , so now when people say 'ai' , their saying it without meaning, there's no heart in it, there's no point. But baby, i do love you and i mean it, i wna last w you, be my first hello in th morning, and last goodnight in th night, (♥)

Happy one month my love, sorry uh, i have t give you your present late, i've got no time, v sorry ):

screaming w my mouth shut.

2009-11-04T08:03:00.000-08:00

" I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night thinking you might call me, if your dreams don't turn out right and it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark wishing you were next to me, with your head against my heart. If you asked me how I'm doing, I'd say just fine, but the truth is, if you could read my mind not a day goes by that I don't think of you "

Hey all, gosh, haven't posted for long, aha.

Today i went t school, woke up at 7, gosh ._. , tired t th core, i didn't even wanted t go school today, then i went home to change and it rained th sky down ! GOSH ! then i went out w th umbrella i was covering myself and like, i thought it was raining, then i walked for a while more, it was sunshine ! i brought th umbrella for nothing !! D:<
Anyways, i went t meet bi at th bus stop, bussed t kovan mrt station and waited for Darryl then mrted t orchard, ate at taka and walked t cine, watched This is it ah shut up, i know i v late then watch, sorry la, out-dated x.x

I want t watch Jennifer's Body, Astro Boy, My Sister's Keeper, The Hurt Locker, Halloween 2, Love Happens, Surrogates, Coraline and Paranormal Activity, :D
SO MANY MOVIES, so little time, and some of them i can't watch, so i'd need help :x ah then i went macs for dinner and went t meet w shawn, bi went for drum class SHAWN AND RYAN'S NEW HAIRCUT LOOKS FUNNY, HAHA. Shawn looks half bald, ryan looks, well idk, aha.

Currently talking t odelia and daryl on th phone, and i'm tired, so BYE :D :D :D

2009-11-01T06:18:00.001-08:00

GOT MY PHONE ALR, GIVE ME YOUR NUMBERS IF YOU HAVE MINE, THANKS (:

Absence makes th heart grow founder, ♥

2009-10-27T13:45:00.000-07:00

HELLO, omg th picture up there's sweet, seriously.
ANYWAY, I LOST MY PHONE, DON'T SMS OR CALL ME TILL I GET A NEW ONE.

I've been rather sad these few days, and tday's episode makes it much much worse, literally. I lost my phone, all sense of communication from you, worst is, i've just thrown a lifetimes of memories, lyrics and poems away, just 5 mins, a lifetimes worth of memories are gone, and i can't ever get them back, i don't care about th fact that i've no more communication, i can always get another, th problem is i've lost memories of you, (no not my baby, it's someone else). Memories i can't get back, memories i NEVER want t forget. No i'm not talking about pictures, i can always get them back, it's th poems, song lyrics and smses you sent me before it ended, well i can't help crying over this, i feel like a crybaby, i cry over everyt, why am i so weak ? why am i so weak, i want t know, why do i still dream of you time and again, when i hear th song you listened t before, i'd remember you, when i was sad, at that point of time, th songs i hear still remind me of you, yeah i've got th best boyfr i could find now, and i never wna end it w him, but why is it that a small part of my heart's still w you ? What if i continued my emo life, waiting for you ? What if i did and wait till i have no feelings for you, would i have met him ? Would he have loved me, what if, what if, what if, but there's just no answer t this. I know that if i never met you, i wouldn't feel loved. I hope you're happier w her, and you'd last long. As for me, i'd just have t slowly, painfully forget, and let go.

I went t bugis w qiang, brian and yolanda, ^^ Met up w qiang first, then met w yolanda and brian, wahlao saw dog faces, and i read some of th book, t forget you such a sad book, couldn't cry, cause i was out, but i wanted t cry luh, seriously. it's just so sad, and like, there's NO WAY t find a guy who'd love you t this extend in singapore, this kinda love only appears in korean drama, chnl 8 love stories. Love, never happens, or maybe not in singapore, or maybe it's hiding so well, no one can find it, and sadly I've got no confidence in this relationship, cause of family problems, but who knows, maybe this might work out, maybe just maybe th world's looking for love, but no one's giving any. OKAY, so out of point alr, anyw, went t th top floor, which looked like expo, played some arcade games, got hurt by one of them and got a workout by another, watched some 3D thingy which made me tear, dropped and retrieved my phone, played somemore games, dropped my phone again, and this time, someone stole it, TT then went t macs and i destroyed qiang's coke cup, at least it was finished, cause i finished it, HA xp , idiot went thailand, will miss him ba, ^^v
BABY, WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER, I NEED T MEMORIZE IT LIKE NOW ! gosh, some girlf i am, -.-

I know I've been mistaken

But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made

I've got some imperfections

But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting

You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting

And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting

Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending

To be so condescending it's as much as i can take

and you're so independent

you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting

You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting

And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting

Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment

I'm willing to bleed for you

I needed fulfillment

I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me

I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way

But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting

I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way

To keep me right here waiting

You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting

And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting

Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting

tears, dropped too much tears.

2009-10-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

ACSIclusive 'M' Party @ Zirca
24 dollars per person, more then 5 people per group, 23, more then 10 people per group 22.
Contact Jasper at 91180407 for better deals ^^

Hey all, you know how girls (i do think that, idk about others) always wonder why guys never wna share their problems ? Isn't is unfair that girls must always tell guys their problems, anyt and everyt that's bothering them but guys refuse to tell their problems, is it true that guys often think that girls are indignant, or need people to care for them. Of course, most guys wanna play as th girl's hero, a hero doesn't want anyone to help them, but they themselves want to help others, yeah maybe guys always think its their job not to make their girlfriend worry, okay maybe it is their job, but don't they know that th constant not telling us will make us worry more ? This isn't what we wanna see guys, is it so hard t share your burden w us ? Girls too are humans, why can't guys just understand that hiding from us isn't solving anyt. why is it that guys often or only share their problems with their guys friends, and not t us ? Yeah guys views from girls are v different, but it's also our right t know their unhappiness, i mean who doesn't want th one they love t be happy, seeing them in this state makes us girls suffer more, anyway, that's my point of view.

anyways, i feel like crying now, so will update later, bye.

I'm going t retain, TT

2009-10-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

HELLO, got home and 10 nearing 11, cause i went t tuiton, for like an hour, then go lan, played audi, audi skills deproved that much ! Anyways th next few sentences are t advertise for my friend's idkk what,

now there is a new social site called Tortoiz, it is something like Facebook and it launches a member card which can be used in 120 shops for discount up to 30%, more shops will be joining us soon. Right now it is under promotion which is $19.90 for 2 years, after the promotion, it is $30 for 1 year only ! So now it is worth the buy as the price range really is a gap. Currently, my boss is discussing with 77th Street, Cotton On, Spade and much more popular shops so that the member of Tortoiz can get more discounts when shopping for shirts in such popular shops, if you have any questions, please tag my blog and i i'll ask my friend about it, thanks and it is really worth it.

PS. For more information, Please visit www.tortoiz.com and click on the 'Tortoiz Affiliates' to know more about the shops joining us.

yeah, that's it, went tuition > macs > back t tuition > hougang green lan > home. HAHA
This is t you baby ! :D

According to you I'm stupid,
I'm useless, I can't do anything right.
According to you I'm difficult,
hard to please, forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time,
even if it would save my life.

But according to him I'm beautiful,
incredible, he can't get me out of his head.
According to him I'm funny,
irresistible, everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it, so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not, according to you.

this is how i feel about you, th ones in bold is for you dearrr, melovedieyou ~ :D
end post here, byeee

Tonight i wanna cry, (u)

2009-10-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

HELLO, unglam photo of Andy, Baby, Javier and Takuya (idk how spell his name uh, ps)
I rotted at home today, playing icy tower like there's no tomorrow.

currently at home alone w brother, damn sian. I DID NOTHING TODAY BUT PLAY ICY TOWER, lamer sia me D: Javier looks damn funny in this photo, he looks like he's puffing up his cheeks trying t open up th sweet wrapper, he v gong, -.- Then bi in th small car thingy, HAHA, amazing he can fit, k this proves HE IS SMALL AND IMMATURE ! muahaha >:D

Currently i feel moody, damn. I want t smoke, i want t drink, i want t cry, but that was just now, now i cheered myself up w disney games and th Gitchi Gitchi Goo song, HAHA, i damn lame luh.
I AM NOT CHILDISH K, these things amuse me, k luh, off t play my game, disney games \m/ ^^

TTFN, TaTaForNow

Time together is just never quite enough, ♥

2009-10-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

Gitchi gitchi goo means that I love you ~ HAHA, HELLO ! Love Phineas and Ferb, they so cute ley ^^ well, did nothing in th morning but rot, then at like 2plus i cabbed down t tuition, during tuition like no lesson luh, so watched th guys play cheat, then i got hungry so excused myself t macs, w my friend luh, then had a smoking break (: , went back t class, slacked awhile, then like everyone started on th topic of porn, was funny, weirdly funny, HAHA ! :D whoa, now my nose damn itchy, RAH *scratches nose*. k, then after tuition bussed down t kovan, met up w baby and Daryl, baby stinked alot, and he make me smell sia ! RAWR D: Then we walked around heartland mall, crapped and stuff, then Daryl left and me and baby bussed down t hougang mall for dinner, during th bus ride, baby crapped and i laughed alot, took a video but baby didn't want me t post it, so i shan't, LongJohn's cheese is ♥. RAHH, now my left eye damn itchy *rubs left eye*

[edit]
anyways, then played w baby th red care plate game, he lost t me, he's wailing now, HAHA, was so embarrassing luh ! In th bus, we were playing th red care plate game, then i thought he was going t tickle me, so i shouted -.- , BI YOU DAMN BAD, EMBARRASS ME IN PUBLIC ! Yeah then like he send me t my bus stop, then i saw another 3 red car plates, *whacks baby 3 times*, then he called me, he walked off t catch his bus, he saw a red car plate and ran all th way t where i was t whack me, HAHA, so kuku ! <: Then i got home, HAHA, " BI i swore i saw 123456789 red car plates . haha. U DIE " <-- got from my kuku's blog, HAHA, lying luh he, bi you watch out, i saw 12345678910 red car plates, :D
[/edit]

Say hello t goodbye

2009-10-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

HELLO, my throat is in hell pain now, i feel like i am swallowing knives, RAH ! Bi was nice enough t get me strepsils, but dumb enough t bring it home, LOL. BI YOU V CUTE LEY, say you won't forget, in th end also forget, :D Omg, i feel like eating penguin cupcakes now, i'm freaking hungry again, i'm getting hungry just WAY TOO EASILY ! No fair luh, how am i going t be 35kg again w this constant eating-ness ! *gives th VERY unhappy face*

hmmm, i wonder if i should private my blog, :/ I also don't know why, HAHA ! But like v mafan lo, need invite people, then like some i don't know th email, rahhh, okay i'll strike out th private-ing blog idea. CHERYL IS FREAKIN' HUNGRY ! ),: I want t cry alr la, th hunger is killing me, plus my throat, rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ~ but i think i'm getting better ^^ , okay, now i'm going t fix up my blog, BYE :D

2009-10-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

I might retain ley -.-

freak luh, i guess i'm going t have no home alr, literally. idk luh, feel so fked up now, cried too much alr :/ i've got no mood t blog alr, bye.

2009-10-21T16:42:00.000-07:00

HELLO, it's 6.57 in th morning, later i'm going t check my livejournal, maybe post a lil ^^

here's something i want EVERYONE t answer,

If you only had one day left to live, and you had the chance to tell one person anyt, who and what would it be ?

If you're going t do this, do tell me on my tagboard, my eye damn itchy and i have no freakin idea why, i feel like sleeping again, but i can't. Feels like insomnia ~

i can see that you're happier now,

i should be happy for you i know,

but why does it feel that i've lost everyt ?

2009-10-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

HELLO, i just took a quiz (how do you lie) on fb, it's rather true i guess, tagg me t tell me k ^^

With Your Thoughts

You lie inside your head. Your thoughts confuse you, and you would rather be anyone else than yourself. You convince yourself of things that aren't true. You might think you are ugly, stupid, mean, or annoying, when you are actually none of those things. You constantly put yourself down and convince yourself that you don't deserve anything good. You don't hear compliments and when people give you one, you deny it. You give others the compliments you wish you could give yourself, but when you think of who you are, only the negative comes to mind. It is possible you are paranoid about what others are saying about you behind your back, or are trying to match yourself to an impossible standard. There might have been someone in your life who put you down so much you actually started to believe it. Trust me, if you think you are a bad person, you most likely aren't. Bad people think they are good, otherwise they wouldn't be as mean.

You lie because you mistake it for the truth. When others tell you positive things about yourself, you often just believe they are lying to make you feel better. In actuality, they are telling the truth and you are lying to yourself. Your weakness are the people who don't openly compliment you, but truly believe you are amazing anyway. Their compliments are along the lines of "You make me feel happy" or "You are my everything." A lot of people find these cheesy, but these are the compliments that allow you to feel good about yourself for who you are. When people tell you good things about themselves and tell you it's all because of you, the dark lies you tell yourself seem to float away.

Rather lazy t rewrite everyt i just wrote on my LiveJournal, so go my LiveJournal t see what happened tday k ^^

LiveJournal

2009-10-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

pictures of monday, only got 2, th rest is rubbish, HAHA ^^

2009-10-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

HELLO ! it's like 6.40 in th morning, i decided not t go school tday cause it's like, you go school just t see people, then go home, waste time, don't you agree ? HAHA, so bored now, baby is still sleeping, piggu laa he :x but can't blame, cause i fell asleep first, HAHA ^^ he tday also no school, but his is really no school and i is pon school, -.- school sucks.

been going out w baby these few days when i didn't go school, wooo ^^ , kinda forgot what i did w him uh, no sick stuff, on sunday i went prawn fishing and i caught 10 i think, i caught one which was damn bigxcz ! i got scared luh :x , no pictures though, sorry :/
monday i went out w baby and his friends, HAHA, was funny ley. watched him play basketball then went t hougang plaza watch him play pool, BABY V WAHLIAOUS LEY, POUR APPLE TEA INTO MY PANTS -.- , but it was an accident, so can forgive ba. I shall go bathe now, going out at 3.30, RAWR. :/

2009-10-18T10:50:00.001-07:00

SHINee's new mv ! ^^

2009-10-15T17:43:00.000-07:00

I THINK I AM FAT

if you do think that, then check out th websites, it is in order, from 1-6. HAHA, and no i won't use it, exercise for me is enough ^^ , i only need t lose 5 kg in 2 months, can one laaa :D

1. The real reason why you're fat, LOL, 2. The diet industry needs you t stay fat, why ?, 3. 15 mins miracle that burns fat for 3 full days, 4. 10000 customers can't be wrong, 5. your 15 min miracle, 6. finally ^^

been oh so bored these days, rawr ): , wna watch these 4 movies on th top ley, who wna watch w me but for Darah, need 18 year olds ley ): , anyone wna help ? ^^ bi's having his final exam paper tday, science uh, he better do lo, knowing him, he will sleep, like baby. HAHA ! ^^ , maybe he's drooling now :x , i v hungry ley, 8 days never smoke, become like some monster alr lo, eat like idk what ! Baby wants me t get fat, wahliaous ley ): , i hate talking t people who talk t me like, oh okay oh okay, so what ._. RAWR, bored si wo le la ! nvm i go bathe now, BYE ^^

2009-10-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

Woooo, finally blogger is normal uhhh !! Blogger sooo annoying >( suddenly went kuku, rawr ! Anyways, these few days haven't smoke cause of bi, waaa ): bi uh, no smoking for 7 days, can die de leyyy ! Don't you know that smokers never quit, they just take a break ^^ , ohhh super sian, going t go buy stuff so i can cook for you, HAHA -.- leaving for th supermarket soon !! :D :D :D, you better like it, hohoho ^^

BYE ALL VIEWERS, (L) ! ^^

2009-10-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt so afraid to lose someone, that you'll cry even in your sleep ?

Th feeling is so undesirabl, th other party will never understand how badly it feels to get hurt so much until you feel that your heart is weighing you down.

2009-10-08T11:44:00.000-07:00

That crazy and dumb bot in th picture is th one and only Moses.NXZ, (L)

This is my baby, HAHA >D , he's a cute little boy i fell in love w on 07102009, 18.55. unexpected eh, never thought someone like you, childish and immature, would fall for someone like me, yeah i have a very very unliked past, by flirting w many, HAHA :x , at first i thought you were crazy, cause i was w raynard, and you still told him you liked me, HAHA, love at first sight perhaps, aiya whatever it is, i wna last longer then i did w anyone okay, no more flirting for me, let quarrels be just quarrels, nothing more, baby, no one is perfect, therefore we learn t accept each other small little flaws. But in a way, through my eyes i believe you're perfect t me, you're th one who i wanna last with. I'm going t put my heart into a relationship for this last time, I'm loving you with no regrets and i hope it remains that way. Bi even nuer thinks i should be w you, sweet hmm, yeah i hope this would last too, cause i wna forever be and spend time w you, i keep looking at my phone, HAHA, maybe cause i hope you would suddenly wake up and call me, telling me you love me, i know la, retarded la. but i miss you much. oh baby, i love that cute little face of yours, it's just so irresistible. I put all my hopes in you, cause i believed that you'll always be true t me, I hope that as days go by, our feelings get deeper and our relationship gets stronger, someone once told me everyt needs two hands t clap, even a relationship and therefore i need you, baby, i'm really glad t have your love, you're unique in every way, even your name, is like th only one i've got in my friends list, HAHA :D

Because you made me laugh, because I didn’t have to pretend to be anything, nothing but who I am when I was with you, because I don’t believe that stuff about finding your other half, but because I do believe that what you look for, It should be someone who makes you a better person when you’re with them, who changes you for the better, who makes you the best person you can possibly be, and because I had found that in you. This post for you is getting longggg, ilovedieyou, never let me go.

please tell me you love me

be my last love

never let go.

2009-10-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

SIBEI CHIO :D

2009-10-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

I FEEL FKED UP SCREWED.
tday's th worst day, worst day of my life, i've lost a close friend, screw eh, v screw.

2009-10-05T14:49:00.000-07:00

CHERYL FEELS TIRED AND UNINSPIRED
LOL, i fell asleep during chinese paper tday, keep sleep and wake up, annoying -.- , first paper, sleep till damn shuang canzx, HAHA, i never do anyt uh :/ then second paper do alr, keep move here and there, LOL.

♥, you are, th only exception.

will blog another time, BYE :D

2009-10-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

" Have you ever been in love ? Horrible isn't it ? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love because of you.
I was never supposed to love you, never supposed to care, never supposed to live my life wishing you were there. was never supposed to wonder where you are or what you do
but I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you. " - taken from someone's blog

2009-10-02T20:09:00.001-07:00

HERE T SAY HI,

now t say bye :D

2009-10-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

damn cool, found it on williem's blog, was bored la k :D

2009-09-29T15:11:00.000-07:00

yeah i will stay, broken.

HAHA, had t at least blog about somthing, so yeah, BYE :D

2009-09-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

HUMANOIDS, HI :D, i took th ' what's your mental disorder ' test on facebook, and this is what i got.

Bipolar

Not only can you be majorly depressed at times, you also tend to be quite moody maybe even irritable. You can switch back in forth without giving any one any notice. Way to go you crazy person. You are too much for any one person to handle, including yourself. Why don’t you just pick a mood and go with it.

well, th quiz is rather true, :/ i mean like, i can go v crazy, like no one's business, then out of th blue, i go emo and all that shit. Like yesterday, i was like damn high, i was barking and all that, then when i went t th library, my whole mood changed, but i am lazy t blog about yesterday, -_- , i maybe going t th zoo later, but i feel sick, k i go rest now, i'll blog later.

2009-09-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

KIMBUM ! ♥, he's so cute la omg !
CHERYL HAS A SOFT-SPOT FOR CUTE GUYS, and it's cheryl-ificly proven, cause when i see kimbum's face, i literally go high, i'll be like, omgomg, and i will zihigh, HAHA ! I especially love it when he smiles, it can literally melt my heart, omg ! :D but now is not th time t fan-girlise over him, though it's hard, BUT STILL, study ! I've pasted post-its on my door, cupboard door, toilet door, room mirror and toilet mirror, even on my COMPUTER th words, " STUDY CHERYL, CONCENTRATE, PLAY LATER ! " but is doesn't work, RAWR, I NEED SOMEONE T FOLLOW ME AND ACTUALLY STUDY ! NO PLAYING, STUDYYYYYY ! I hate distractions, they suck, ass them -_- , ohohoh, and i bought a new ipod tday, I wanted orange but no more 16gb alr, so i had choices of only purple, blue, black and silver, so i took silver, then tday i went t th website, I SAW A RED ONE LA ! -'- th red one is bloody nice okay !! D: D: , should've waited for th orange one or get th red one, AHHH, hate my impatience. Now i am smsing xinran, listening t mariah carey and leona lewis, HAHA :D now he going t sleep -.- NIGHT ALL ! :D

i'm always here dear,

guiding you through,

helping you cause iloveyou

2009-09-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

" i guess it's okay even if we aren't together, at least you know my heart is missing you. Those memories will hold our sweetness forever, no matter where you are in the future, i won't ever forget you, I love you. Your the reason why i smile, I just hope that you'll be happier in the future. "

currently listening t emo songs, HAHA. Yeah, i feel emo now, maybe it's cause i'm missing him badly now, maybe it's just me la, idk just moody. Gahk, and my msn isn't making me feel any better, now i can't go one, wtf ! -.- I'm listening t tonight now, HAHA ! Ryan's number 1 song, y'know what, untill now i can't spell favourite, gotta start writing it like 1000 times alr, i'm 14 and idk how t spell favourite, omg right. FAV-OU-RITE FAVOURITE. Well, just t tell you, missing you bloody sucks k, it really does suck, i'm like missing you so much right now, i can't even talk t you at all ! ♥, you drive me crazy.

Cos you're with somebody else
Whenever I think about the the love we had
It hurts so bad
I said that I'd be strong
Girl I really thought that I'd move on
But still I find myself asking
Do u still think of me like I think about u
Do u still dream of me cos I can't sleep without u
Tell me if time should make a change
Then why do I feel the same
Your love has got me addicted
I know I gotta move on but I'm so addicted to u

2009-09-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

greetings earth people, i feel so fked up right now, v in fact. I can't seem t do anyt right, wtf la ! -.- i keep making you mad, but you should know that's how i am, it's not like i wna be like this right ? Right now i am thinking t myself, why am i writing this for you, you won't read it anyways, part of my thinks that i am wasting my time, th other part just screams out, write it, he might read it. Yeah i guess i am useless, i had another fight w you, and th feeling sucks when you say you don't wna talk t me or anyt, don't you know ? Not talking t you makes me sad, I've alr lost a loved one, i don't wna lose another. Maybe i shouldn't like you, it might hurt less, yeah it might. I really have no idea what t do now, t hold on, t let go.

i've got no mood t post alr, i'm lonley and tired, and i'm bloody missing you again.

I'm a little dazed and confused,

All my days have turned into nights,

Cos living without you in my life,

Did I mean nothing at all ?

Was I just another ghost that's been in your life ?
(inserts brokenheart)

2009-09-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

You like to have the upper hand in your relationships. You prefer to be chased by the opposite sex and not vice-versa. You are very protective about your beloved. You are t...otally indulgent and like to woo the opposite sex in style. Candle-lit dinners, flower bouquets, mushy greeting cards, chocolates are your weapons of choice. You are a very passionate lover. Pleasure is foremost on your mind. You know how to make your sweetheart feel special. At times you get jealous in your relationships.
Your kissing style:
You are a superb kisser. Your kisses are remembered forever.

To attract you, the opposite sex must be:
attentive, indulgent, entertaining, respectful, etc.

You are more compatible with - Sagittarius, Aquarius, Aries, Pisces
You are less compatible with - Scorpio, Gemini, Capricorn

HELLO EARTH PEOPLE, i amxzxz bored like hell ! now i realised that my blog is not internet explorer friendly, cause now i am using internet explorer and like, so many things aren't working properly, examples, title is completely unseeable, my links and all are so white and almost blends w th background, omg. MY BLOG AIN'T INTERNET EXPLORER FRIENDLY, so trash your internet explorer, go t safari or firefox :D i mean seriously, it's like, my internet explorer keeps restarting and is annoying ! -.- I can't plurk at all for that matter of fact -'- everytime i plurk, it restarts itself, wtfxcz !

On the outside you're reserved and calm. But truthfully on the inside you want to let loose and shout out what you think. Though..You're afraid of what others would think if you let your true self shine. You're afraid, afraid to let loose and show the world what a wonderful personality you have. Don't be. Make friends by showing your personality and don't pretend to be something you're not or just hide from everything. <-- this is actually rather true, HAHA, i was bored la :x , i am currently yawning away, weee, k la. I going sleep alr, damn bloody tired -.-

ohboy, i think i've fallen for you

cause i wna talk t you day and night

not talking t you makes me sad

boy oh boy, iloveyou.

♥

2009-09-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

HELLO, it's 7.22 in th morning :p, idk why i so
early wake up -.- and there's no one online rihgt now, which sucks. Hmmm, let's see what i've been doing for th past few days, eating medicine i guess, eye SO mafan, need t eat pill, then put eye drops and put some cream, zzz. I think i cried quite hard afew days back, opps :x been listening t fm static these few days, and a fine frenzy, th songs are nice k :D :D :D hmm, guess i am slowly, painfully getting over you now, i guess that's a good thing, mhm it should be a good thing, but i still do miss you, HAHA ! -.- i wna eat kit-kat, there's like a pack in my fridge and i discovered it afew days ago ONLY ._. exams are coming soon, yeah. STUDY STUDY STUDY time, but i haven't even started opening a book and ACTUALLY reading it..wtfxcz

ANYONE OUT THERE FREE T STUDY W ME NEXT WEEK ?, yes if you're free next week t study, do tell me, i desperately need t study, i needa study history, geography, MATHS, study science t push my just pass marks t at least 60 ? get a better grade for literature and english too, PASS ART w flying colours, PASS HOME ECONS PRACTICAL, and th paper too, so many things t do, so little time..I need t promote t sec 3 ): k la, idk what t blog alr, off t find new songs.

there is something missing

life's empty without you

i need you now.

2009-09-15T21:47:00.000-07:00

DELETED.

2009-09-13T12:48:00.000-07:00

'I want a guy who's not scared to laugh at me and call me a loser when I do something dumb, a guy that'll run up behind me and cover my eyes and ask me to guess who he is, even though it's pretty obvious, a guy who hides behind a corner and jumps out to scare me, so he'd have a reason to hold me, a guy that leaves me numerous voicemails, a guy that'd call to wake me up in the morning because he wants to be the first voice I hear each day, a guy that would never let go of my hand, a guy that would look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me and mean it.'

When I sleep at nights sometime I dream of holding his hand,

or playing w his hair or hear his cute laugh.

And I'm so happy.

And that's when I realize that my love for someone long gone

doesn't need to be a burden. Maybe it's a gift.